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Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Hello Blogosphere

I have gained a few more followers since I have left and it is surprising since I have not updated my blog in such a long time.. I have been thinking about really trying to start this thing back up since I feel I have so much to say ALLLLLL the time!! Hummmm... I was just wondering what you guys thought?? Start it back up or just wave bye to the past??
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Monday, August 24, 2009
There has been a paradigm shift in the quality of men and women that are walking around now. In the past, the women were conservative, modest, cooked, cleaned, ya-da-ya-da-ya-da. Men were respectable, went to work, was in the household, married and tried to make it last. Yes, people of that era had their problems and everything wasnt as peachy as it was proclaimed to be but it was NO where near as bad as the young people of today are. I am focusing on the women today because some are so outrageously ignorant to what they really want that they are setting themselves to get set up to not get any of it.
Let me first get the point out of the way: I dont think some men really know what they want either. Moving on- what I am trying to address with this post is the fact that women will want a good man (who doesn't?) with all these great qualities, beautiful spirit, provides, ya-da-ya-da-ya-da. But these are the same women who go to the club in dresses up to their ass-cheeks, breasts out, all this makeup piled on their faces and so on. What I am failing to understand is why they do this if they know that men are visual creatures and they tend to judge the book by the cover. Men see skin, they think flesh, they think flesh, they think sex! You see the pattern? You are roping a man in to think of you solely as a sexual object then have the NERVE to get mad when he do. They want a good man, but they want to dress like a common street walker. I mean, you have the right to do whatever you want to do but at the same time, you dont get to make a 1st impression again.

Steve Harvey said on the Tyra show when discussing his book: Think Like A Man, Act Like a Lady, or the other way around, I dont know. What he said was: A man does not come across the room because of a womans mind. What is being said is that a man is attracted to the outer, that is what gets them to approach a woman. But where does it say that he is only attracted to those whose body is barely covered? I know that the girls with the most skin are the ones that get approached often, but why demean yourself to that level in order to get a man who is only thinkin about hittin it if you put it out there like that is what you want to happen? I know this because I use to be one of those girls. I wore the shortest, tightest, most revealing dresses but I wasnt really going out in order to meet guys. I was just dressing how the club atmosphere called for and I answered. What I realized is that you are a representation of yourself where ever you go and what is the best way to represent yourself to a room full of people better than how you appear? I am not saying go to the club in jeans and a screen tee..NO! You can do it up sexy, conservative without being over the top.
I am posting this because I am seeing it happen a lot. First, why would you try to find a good man in the club? Surrounded by a variety of meat in different packaging? Second, why do you feel that all you have to offer is your body? I know some women believe that, "o, I am going to show them what I got, then try and give him the brains to back it up".. this has worked, but it is very rare. What the general concept should be is that we should respect ourselves before accepting the opinion of others. We should know that if they are only going for those who dress provacatively, then they arent the ones because they will ALWAYS be going after the ones dressed that way. HELLO? Don't conform to his idea of what sexy is, or how you should dress in order to get him to approach you. What makes him so worthy of you to begin with? Because he FINE? O no, that will only take him so far and get you so much.

Be smart, dont succumb to the standards.

Unless that is what works for you.

-mizz eboni
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Sunday, August 23, 2009
SORRY I havent posted in a while..I dont know why I havent, I just havent. But I am back and in FULL effect. How has everybody been doing? Well, I am just goin to jump into to it. I ran across a saying that was mentioned on one of my favorite gossip sites ( and when I read it, I realized I had heard it before. It went:

"All Relationships are open, women just dont know about it"

Well, I have heard this expression, expressed in a different form, but sent the message just as clearly. What got me about this is that some men really do think like this and the problem is that some women just dont know about it. By this I mean, that some women really get into relationships with men that believe that this is the way to be and dont know it. I feel sorry for them because this relationship will never last. And what is even more sad is that these men are the reasons that it wont, yet they are still stringing these women on as though nothing is wrong with this pattern of thinking.

But the thing that gets me is that men wonder why we have so much resentment towards them sometimes. You go around with the mentality that you will cheat when the opportunity presents itself but then want to say whats wrong with women!?!? This is what is wrong, you are wasting someones TIME, time they will never get back. I always say that I wouldnt care if I broke up with someone and couldnt get the money invested in the relationship back, lost some friends/acquaintances over it, lost sleep because of the arguing, none of that mattered in comparison to the TIME I lost over someone who never was in it for the long haul. Do not get me wrong, I am not talking about those who may have cheated and felt remorseful, that can work if the two people really want it to. What I am talking about is those men who feel that whatever new piece of meat is out there, it is available for the taking.

My question to those men are: WHY DO YOU GET IN A RELATIONSHIP? I have always asked men this question who have been known to "stray" more than a couple times. No one has given me a reason that has really captured me in order to say, "MAN, I get it now". NOPE, NOT ONE! I mean, if you want to play the field, not be tied down, not ready for a relationship, want to be able to be free to do whatever you please THAT IS FINE! But why do you drag someone into your mess? Why even be in a relationship with this woman who is trying to give you her all if you are not even giving a fraction? You may pay some bills, go to work, buy her some stuff, but do you think that is all it takes for a woman to be happy and feel secure? That does work for some women and I suggest you find that one and be with her so you can cheat on her all you want as long as you keep them bills paid.

Most women do not want or care for this lifestyle. I am just baffled at times by the number of guys that are in relationships but will be quick to jump on the next piece of ass that passes by. WHY DO YOU GET IN A RELATIONSHIP?!! Why bring this women into a false hope that you are the one when she is just the one-for-right-now to you? I am not putting down those men who want to be man-whores and go spread their seed around the general population. If that is what you choose to do with your life then that is fine with me, but I suggest you do it alone. Men often want to blame a woman for being "crazy" when he tries to break up with her. Here is a newsflash: Its because you wasted her TIME! By that I mean that the anger is not only built up from what was done, but also because she looks at the time invested into this man that ended up not being the right one for her. Men often can go around and say that they will settle down when they are older, when they are ready for a serious relationship. Women are almost biologically built with this inner time clock, we dont have TIME to try and wait for you to "be ready". So when we feel that you have wasted our time that could have been with someone who WAS ready, it enrages us.

I wish all men would just be like "I am not ready for a relationship, but we can try and get to know one another"..or something of that nature. I know that there are men who tell a woman up front that they are not looking for something serious and the woman still gets involved with this guy. THIS IS FOR WOMEN: WHY DO YOU GET INVOLVED WITH THIS GUY? I know why, there are two reasons: 1) You think that if you sleep with him and hang out with him, he will eventually try to turn around and realize that you are the one, or 2) You think that you are strong enough to handle this type of relationship. Im telling you now that both scenarios dont work. They dont, sorry. So if a guy tells you that he is not looking for a relationship, dont get upset if he is seeing other people! Sorry, you cant. At least he was man enough to tell you and not try to talk the noise in order to get you and dont mean a lick of any of it.

The point of this post was to try and address an issue that goes on and does not need to be. If you are not ready for a relationship then dont be with someone. And if you are in one, you need to know that if this person you are trying to cheat with is worth ruining the relationship you are in, then you dont need to be with the person you're with. Point blank. When men start realizing that their opinions on cheating and being unfaithful is flawed, then maybe you may start seeing a change in women. think about it.
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Thursday, August 13, 2009
Me and the bestest where having a late night conversation that came to talking about men and cheating and seeming to have difficulties staying faithful. This discussion, like many others, just started to bring up different prospectives (from us two women of course) of why we felt this was. Since we deal mostly with black men this is where our direction was aimed. We began talking about past and present relationships, the hip hop influence on the thoughts of black men, and how white men came into the whole situation.

As stated in the last post, black men have a lot of odds stacked up against them just because of the color of their skin, but they contribute to some of those odds. I said that black men need to step up because these white boys are getting finer and finer and received some flak from some black men. One even called me a "crossova chick"..hummm.. why is it that when black women start praising white men, black men cant take it? Even though they try to place women of other ethnicities on a pedestal in comparison to black women?

While me and my girl was talking, we began to discuss how we believe that black men choose to cheat or "play the field" with so many women was because this was their way to control some aspect of their existence and to be respected in the eyes of other men when they dont receive much from society. By this I meant that white men are revered and respected until they have some sort of scandal or downfall in the public eye, and even after this he can still be idolized in a way. A black man has to do above and beyond to EARN the respect of others, which can be a long, endless fight. Black men are constantly fighting to gain some sort of status and recognition and I feel that ho'ing themselves around is the easiest and most prevelant way to do so. I am NOT talking about the rich entertainers or CEO's, even though they have their "parts" outside their pants half the time. These average young black men are trying to gain this status amongst their peers. The easiest thing for them to obtain are women..they want to show that they are valued amongst many different ones so they "play the field", love the drama and fights between women chasing them, they adore the pride they feel from having the respect from other men who idolize and even envy them for having all these women. But what does it give them outside of that? Does society see them ANY differently or worse? Does this make them more valuable in history?

I believe this is why when a black woman comes and begins to start looking at white men as options, they cant handle it. First, white men are seen as stealing their positions in the workplace. Next, respect from society. Then, stealing their respect from the justice system as black men are often less likely to receive equal treatment as white men. Fourth, stealing jobs and housing that should be theirs. And then THEIR WOMEN! O NO! But why dont black men respect their own women in order to try and keep them close? This is a question I cant answer. We continued to talk about how black men used sex as a way to gain status with the sentiment that more women=more respect. Love is not idolized in hip hop industry but promiscuity and lack of respect from women are. So, what do you think these young men are going to do? Go OUTSIDE of what is accepted by OTHER black men? In the African American world, respect from other black men sometimes is the only respect they will receive.

Why is it that a magazine titled BLACK MEN, has only half naked women on the covers! Why not uplift a BLACK MAN?? Maybe we were wrong, maybe this isnt it at all. We were NOT in ANY way saying this was the ONLY reason. This was all speculation against many other factors. If this is not a part of the reason, then what is?
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I posted a statement on Twitter the other day and it went like: "Black men need to step up, these white boys are getting finer and finer"--> needless to say, I received a few negative statements regarding this from guys, but a LOT of ReTweets from the ladies. At first this was just a statement I had made just to make it and did not feel like explaining it to anyone. But I take to my blog when I want to vent.

What was originally meant by the statement was that black men are not respecting the black women as I believe they should (but to be honest some black women are not helping them to). That statement was to basically bring forth an issue that is rising right under the black man's nose rather he wants to believe it or not. Though statistics show that it is not prevailing as high as black man/white woman relationships, but black woman/white man relationships are climbing. However, of course this turned into a whole different thing, as this touchy subject usually does.

I was having a twitter-convo with HellNawShawty and he basically said that he loved black women but their attitude was much sharper than those of other ethnicities. He told me not to give up on black men. I preceded to tell him that I am with a black man, so all hope is not lost. I also revealed all the statistics that keep black men under-respected by society such as: low population in higher education, higher population in jail, higher unemployment rate, lower credit ratings, harder to be promoted in a job than a white man and so on. BUT WE STILL STAYED WITH BLACK MEN. However, they were so quick to turn their back on us for a white or other ethnicity of woman as they pulled the "attitude" card. Thats all they have. He had a point for sure but what I was trying to bring to light is that although black women have held faith with the black men, we are TIRED of being there for men with so many odds stacked against them from birth, then they turn around and have no problem of giving up on us at the first sign of an "attitude". Kanye famously said:

He gon' make it to a Benz out of that Datsun
He got that ambition, baby look in his eyes
(Jamie Foxx comes in)
This week he's moppin' floors, next week it's the fries
So, stick by his side
I know this dude's ballin, and yeah that's nice
And they gon' keep callin' and tryin'
But you stay right, girl
But when you get on, he leave yo' ass for a white girl

By this Kanye meant that the black woman stays by his side despite him being in a less than ideal financial state, even when guys with money come up to you and trying to get with you. But as soon as HE gets the big bucks, he has no problem leaving you for a white woman-- o so beautifully portrayed in Waiting to Exhale. It happens often.

Black women are starting to realize that they are not having a problem switching over to the other side, so why cant they? Why stay true to a race of men who belittle, demean, disrespect, undervalue, and dont appreciate their women but will praise another race's women. What HellNawShawty did say that was absolutely true was that we are the only race of people who do not back up each other 200%. We dont. Unless its covertly disguised under rocks, bolders and small mountains, we do not see as much self-hatred in any other race of people as we do in the black community. We constantly see the flaws in each other in the black community and then try to run to another race in order to try and escape the problems that are getting worse.

Well, take what you will with this but regardless this is what is happening rather we want to admit or address it or not
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Wednesday, August 5, 2009
There are things that i just don't get. People want to walk around feeling that they are somehow entitled to respect. I get both sides of the argument: you have to give it to get it, and you have to earn it. Which one is it? I mean, do i have to show you respect in order to receive some back? Or do i have to show you that I am worthy of your respect? HUMMM..?? The reason I propose this is by the fact that I was reading another's blog- i dont post where i find my "inspiration" from (but if you want it, i will give it to you). This "lady" and I use that term loosely was basically stating how great the sex was from a married man she was seeing. What sexual positions got the best rise out of him and what she was "not" going to do with him on the plane because "there were some things that she was going to save for [her] 1st husband". I read through the post and felt a deep sense of sadness for her because its like, are you not worthy of being someones one and only? And what made me think even harder was the time she is wasting with someone that will never be hers...If he hasn't left his wife yet for you, why do you think that he is going to just because you are giving him what he wants- a piece of ass that is different from his wife's.

Women go around and blame the men for not being faithful and being lyin, cheating dogs but look at this. Women are going around knowingly sleeping and forming some kind of relationship with men that are supposed to be off limits to them. Where is the respect? Not only for yourself but his wife? Why doesn't this man's wife automatically, as another woman, get the respect from other women to back off! He is taken. No, no, no. Women even glamorize being able to "steal ya man" without any respect for themselves or the other female. There is a lack of respect amongst women now. They look at another woman as purely competition, not only for the man but for a job, looks, style, desirability, attention, and the list goes on. We do not respect one another, so how do we expect men to?

To sit there and sleep with an "off limits" man and carry on this relationship is to some women, i believe, not only selfish or lack of respect, a way to solidify that they have won this invisible competition. They know now that they have one-up'd you in an area that will leave you feeling insecure and broken. I truly do. Then want to go around claiming that men are all dogs. LADIES! WE MAKE THEM THIS WAY!! I know that some lie, and I am not talking about women who get played by men who make them truly believe they are the only one (yes, you got played). The portion I am talking about is a very large and growing population who thrive on the ability to take or grab the attention of a "off-the-market" man (which, if we wanna be honest, its not that hard- men are visual creatures). They mess around with guys that already have girls, then wanna use the excuse of "well, if she was handlin it right..", or "im not the one in a relationship with him..." and other BULL that does not free you from bein triflin'. They will never realize that they were just the side piece, you were never good enough to GET him. WOMEN, when will we realize that we are the reason men cheat (again, not talking bout men who try and play women)? Everytime you KNOW he has a girl and still mess with him, then you are just contributing to the stereotype that men are dogs. Really. think about it. I AM NOT LETTING MEN OFF THE HOOK, but i am TIRED of all these females talkin about men, when some of them have messed with a dude KNOWIN he had a girl! Ok, so is he worse off then you? In your opinion no because "you weren't the one in a relationship with him..". If we take the time to back off and just RESPECT another woman and her relationship, not saying it would completely change things, but it could make this a little better. You wouldnt cheat with your best friend man, would you (if you would, then that is a WHOLE different post)? So, why would you do it to another woman- the fact that you dont KNOW her or respect all comes back.

The point of this post was to address an issue that is very present but we are so blind to the fact that we can change this to a certain extent if we just respect others. I am really tired of having females complain about how there are no good men left, but they steadily sleeping with someone man. Now, how does that make sense? We need to start realizing that there are just as few good WOMEN left. It takes two to cheat. If she doesn't know, then that is a different story. But if he has a baby seat in the back of his car, wont let you come to his house or meet his family, then some red flags should go up. If you are unwilling to investigate it, in my opinion that is the same as knowing and not caring.

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Saturday, August 1, 2009
I picked up my monthly issue of Marie Claire the other day. I read them not for the articles or the beauty tips, more so to study the fashion layouts they have in there. I was skimming through the pages and landed on a article entitled: "What kind of mother leaves their kids". I immediately flipped through the entire article and here are just a couple of the statements that stood out for me:

Elle Hull, 39, from London said: "It was hard not to be resentful. My ex had taken a great deal of time after our divorce to get back on his feet. Here I was, eking by because the girls needed me"

Rebekah Spicuglia, 30, from New York said: "Plus-though admitting it startled her- she craved the freedom. 'This is the part that's so hard to talk about. But secretly, inside, it was the most exciting thing. If he was living with his father, I would be free to do what I wanted to do,"

Both ladies decided to give up parental custody to the children's fathers. Elle because of financial hardships and Rebekah because of school reasons. At first I thought they were just being selfish, hard, cold and unwilling to participate in the responsibilities that they had a part in.

However, I got to thinking, why is it strange when a mother wants to live her own life? Why is it treated like a catastrophe when a mother wants the father to share in the tasks that she has to? The father gets to decide that he may not want to be in a relationship with the mother any longer and that is ok. But my thing is the fact that people dont chastise him for it. Its almost like a social NORM now. Yes, if he is not paying child support then that is when people begin to shun him. But if he is sending his scheduled payments to the mother, it seems that he is off the hook. I dont understand that. I feel that society is bondaging women to their children and making them feel like social paranas if they decide that this is not the life for them, but dont attack the man even half as much.

I understand the above comments may seem selfish but this is the way that men think ALL the time. I mean, why is it that when women do they are said to not love their kids or be selfish. I take this to heart personally because I feel that people have viewed me as being selfish because I do not want children right now. I would ideally want to have them at 40 because it would be a time when my career would be set, me and my husband would have time to be married and travel-- basically we would be set. I mean, how wrong is that? I feel that women have the bigger burden when it comes to children. The woman has to put her career goals aside, be there constantly for the kids, her life is now her kids life, everything she may have wanted to do is put on hold. And lets be honest, this is not RIGHT,but its TRUE. Its not the way it SHOULD be, but it is HOW it is. Yes, some husbands are there, but lets be real, even more arent. Especially when you are dealing with teen pregnancies. How is it fair that the woman be chastised for wanting to try and enjoy their life? The father is!

I feel that there is an equal responsibility, if the woman knows that she has things she wants to do, then get on some form of birth control and try to prevent it. However, there are plenty of women who marry these men and think that the relationship is truly going to last. The husband/father leaves and she is left with the kids, the kids expenses, her expenses, bills, debt, mortage or rent--and the list goes on and on. You would be insane to tell me that a woman should WANT to live in these circumstances while the father is out living his life unattached. I feel that this is something that is going on and people are just accepting it. Women should take more precautions when it comes to having sex if they dont want the responsibility because, looking at this, you can see the responsibility falls on you. People are going around thinking sex is the prize and the children are just a product of it.NO! That is what sex is FOR, procreation! It was intended to produce children, but the world has so warped the notion that people are SHOCKED when they have unprotected sex and get pregnant.

I am not shunning new age science in letting us pretty much control when we are ready, but at the same time, nothing is 100% effective. I am not talking abstinence, that is not my job. What i am trying to get through peoples head is that when a child is here, they are HERE. It takes two. Everyone wants to shoutout that statement, but where is the statement when they are judging women like the ones above who REALLY feel that there should be TWO! Not just THEM taking care of something TWO of them created. We must get into the new mindset that we are not in the 20s anymore, women want careers, a life, and to not be the SOLE providers for their children. Why cant the woman send the kids to stay with the father half the year? Why cant she decide that it may be his turn to partake in HIS responsibility? The world does not see it that way, they want to preach equality but when are they going to realize that with their mindsets equality will never happen. It will never prosper if they keep giving men preferential treatment.
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Tuesday, July 28, 2009
I was watching television the other day while reading other peoples blogs (yes, I do follow other blogs) and came across and argument that eluded to the fact that black male artists in the entertainment industry have no problem using girls from other races in their videos, but you very rarely see the vice versa of that. Whites, hispanics and others do not use black women for a large part in their videos, its almost never seen. There blog was extremely eye-opening because it went on to base the argument, "are black women less desirable?". If other races dont use black women in their videos, and black men dont as well (about half the time), then what picture is that presenting about this race?

I thought this was very, very interesting to read. While this blog still lingered in my mind, I began watching that show Kendra on E! (the playmate that starred in "Girl Next Door"). I was watching, only partially amused, about how she was going to her bachelorette party. She then, with friends, decided to go topless in the private pool they had in the sweet, all while being on camera. She later told her husband Hank Baskett, nfl star, about the incident, he barely shrugged it off. I was thinking, I am not a man but would NEVER let my fiancee parade around like that, especially if she is supposed to be representing me. This led me to just further look at the situation and how it reflects the same things going on in everyday life.

It came to my realization that in the entertainment world, its almost that its okay for a white woman to do what a black or other minority group would be chastised for doing. *Ok, let me make this clear, this is not really about interracial relationships. I feel that everyone is entitled to be with whomever they feel they are attracted to and compatible with. This is more so about race relations in a way that I have not seen talked about before.* What I am saying is that (im going to focus on black-white, but we know it happens in other cultures/groups as well) a black man can be with a white woman in the "adult entertainment industry" but if a black woman did the same thing, she is ostracized. Kendra posed for playboy (I even seen a video of her dancing in a crowded atmosphere with a g-string on), married to a half-black man. Kanye West, whose armpiece is Amber Rose, (I cannot find a consensus of her ethnicity, but its not black) who is a bisexual former stripper. Omarion, former member of boy group B2k, is married to a bi-sexual stripper, (little is known about her, so her race cannot be pinpointed, but she is not all-black, or black at all). We ALLLL know about Reggie Bush dating Kim Kardashian, who had a sex tape out with another black man and posed for playboy. Jenna Jameson, who is a former porn star married with kids to Tito Ortiz, a hispanic man. Tila Tequila who has had VERY risque pictures out, had her own reality show about being bisexual, and been linked with black men such as Ray J, and Will of Day 26. And the list goes on, including Pamela Anderson, Carmen Electra, and Paris Hilton. These women have all had sex on film, or posed nude, or was in the "adult entertainment industry".

To me it seems that black, white, Hispanic men can so quickly disregard the fact that their women have been in the profession. Do not get me wrong, I feel that being in this industry does not mean that you do not deserve to be loved, that is furthest from the truth. What I am trying to address here is the fact that it seems that these men can look past these acts if a white woman does them (or Hispanic-and-something in Tila's case). I asked my boyfriend and my brother to name just ONE man, any race, who is with a black woman who has done ANY of this! NAME ONE, I CAN WAIT *dun nun, nun, nun, nun, dun, nun, nun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, DUN* Think of one without trying to google it? EXACTLY! I am pretty sure that SOMEWHERE it does exist, I am not saying that. What I am trying to bring to light is, WHY? Why does it seem that white woman can do these things and these men be so ok with it? How come they can look past these details, but we cannot think of one black woman that can get this pass (even though I am sure it happens)? I don't understand. I feel that this is really saying something but we are too blind to even realize it. This is not to come down on these women, this is to address something that I think is wrong and unfair and shows we still hold white women, to a certain extent (or those more closely resembling white), on this pedestal. They can do and behave whatever way they want to but, we as black women, have to earn the degree, go get a masters, get this high paying job and be top of the line in order to receive the same respect these white pornstars get. I know its not REALLY this way, but its just how it FEELS! Look at the black video "models", are they anyone's arm piece or are they a quick piece of ass between takes?

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For those who dont know, Karrine Steffans is a former porn star, video vixen and well-known home wrecker. She publicly relayed all the sexual encounters she has had with married and single black men from the entertainment industry. She was completely disrespected, in my opinion by these two newscasts people. I feel that yes, she was all those things and more, but she is trying AT LEAST to turn herself from that image. But will society let her? NO! They completely ridiculed her from start to finish. But where is the ridicule of Kendra, the playboy model on some other talk show and entertainment channels? She has her own show! Where is the backlash from the media on Kim Kardashian? Where is the media disrespect of Paris Hilton, who is on late-night talk shows and completely hounded by paparazzi? What about Jenna Jameson, who has has volumes of porn videos but is praised by the some of the media, even VH1 did a True Hollywood Story on her!?!
What I am trying to make known is the complete bias and unequality that black women, who have done the same thing as white women but get a whole different level of treatment. I believe that there is something really, really wrong with this picture. It gives the impression that you can be the best as a black women, but get the same respect as the "worst" (meaning, done the worst things-porn, stripping, posing nude) white woman.
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Thursday, July 23, 2009
At first I knew i was just going to HAVE to watch this show when it came out. Not because I particularly care for either of the ladies but because it just looked like a hot mess waiting to happen (im such a fool for "reality" tv shows). I watched the first episode, and about half way through it I had resolved in my mind to never watch it again (even though I have- what can I say, Im weak). But I kept watching and towards the end of the show (around the 16:53 mark inthe video below) the ladies were gathered with friends for a "sleepover". Watch what is said.

If you are like me and didnt watch, or just went right to the mark, I will summarize. What Toya, who is the ex-wife of one of the (if not THE) biggest rap artist out right now. They were together way before the money and fame (but I believe they got married when he was in the beginning stages of his fame). Well, in that clip at the end, she goes on about how/why she is still single, how she cant find a man and all that good stuff but one of her friends reply "its hard to top who (or where) you've been". This meant that there was little possiblity to meet someone who could have her living as well as Lil Wayne does. And this led me to start thinking...

I understand that the statement was indeed true. Its hard to find a man that is going to have her living the lifestyle she's been accustomed to. However, what I dont find particularly correct is the fact that she feels that someone HAS to give her the lifestlye she is accustomed too. Assuming that this is the reason (and using this situation to touch on similar situations throughout the world) she is still single, then why dont you go do something to make it on your own. She's even said in pre-show interviews "I didnt think I could have all these things without this man" (paraphrasing of course). She admitted that the things that she, and most women, want out of life could not possibly be attained without him providing it for her. My thoughts are:

1) Why does HE have to provide for you? Why cant you go and make something out of your own life in order to try and maintain that lifestyle that you only FEEL you cant live without. Guess what hun? You grew up with little means as you stated, is it THAT far behind you that you cant even remember how to survive with little? What kills me about women is that we try to make it seem as if soon as we get someone with money, who has "rescued us from our situation", we cant go back to that previous life if that person leaves. You were making it and surviving before, now you may have some money laying around, if you saved it (which would've been smart) in order to go get a head start to provide for yourself.

2) That man came from the same area and background you did, so if he made it, why cant you? Toya is a pretty woman, you have some clout being Lil Wayne's ex, instead of trying to make quick money selling him out (its rumored she is writing a tell-all book), why dont you go and try and do something with the new-found "celebrity" you have ( yeah, cuz now-a-days, everyone is a celebrity).

3) Why cant you lower your standards to someone who is going to love you and provide the best he can? I am not going to sit here and pretend like I believe there havent been men that have tried to date her, and more than likely, got turned down because they were lower than what she had been accustomed to. Meaning, they were not able to provide for her the way lil wayne has. We often turn our nose up at men who arent living up to our standards financially. We feel that it is the man's role to provide, and if he is not providing like the last, then there is a problem.

4) With that comes the opposite, if we are looking for a man to provide for us financially like the last one did, and he is perfectly able to, what makes you think that he wants YOU? I mean, she is pretty but what else is being brought to the table? You cannot sit there and expect a man to live up to your expectations financially if you are not living up to his in any other area besides looks. If he wants a trophy wife, then some of you women are in luck. But I would think a man would want something more to be tied down to than a pretty face. And a child by another man.

We have to look at ourselves people. We have to see what we can offer someone else, not always what that person can offer us. It has to be more than that. I dont think that people should only look for, in a spouse, what they cannot do for themselves. If you cannot provide for yourself financially, why do you just seek to be with someone who will? By this I mean, its perfectly natural to want security when picking a mate, but at the same time, you need to be able to match what they bring. It may not be nickel-for-nickel, but match in a sense of being able to stand on your own two feet if they decide they dont want to be with you anymore. It has to be an equal distribution, not just take take take take take. I wouldnt want to be with someone who I did not feel was on my level, but at the same time, if I know I desire a lifestyle, I will try to better myself in order to achieve it. So when I find a mate that is able to live that way too, it will be equal and I wont feel inadequate with or without him.
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