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Saturday, August 1, 2009


I picked up my monthly issue of Marie Claire the other day. I read them not for the articles or the beauty tips, more so to study the fashion layouts they have in there. I was skimming through the pages and landed on a article entitled: "What kind of mother leaves their kids". I immediately flipped through the entire article and here are just a couple of the statements that stood out for me:

Elle Hull, 39, from London said: "It was hard not to be resentful. My ex had taken a great deal of time after our divorce to get back on his feet. Here I was, eking by because the girls needed me"

Rebekah Spicuglia, 30, from New York said: "Plus-though admitting it startled her- she craved the freedom. 'This is the part that's so hard to talk about. But secretly, inside, it was the most exciting thing. If he was living with his father, I would be free to do what I wanted to do,"

Both ladies decided to give up parental custody to the children's fathers. Elle because of financial hardships and Rebekah because of school reasons. At first I thought they were just being selfish, hard, cold and unwilling to participate in the responsibilities that they had a part in.

However, I got to thinking, why is it strange when a mother wants to live her own life? Why is it treated like a catastrophe when a mother wants the father to share in the tasks that she has to? The father gets to decide that he may not want to be in a relationship with the mother any longer and that is ok. But my thing is the fact that people dont chastise him for it. Its almost like a social NORM now. Yes, if he is not paying child support then that is when people begin to shun him. But if he is sending his scheduled payments to the mother, it seems that he is off the hook. I dont understand that. I feel that society is bondaging women to their children and making them feel like social paranas if they decide that this is not the life for them, but dont attack the man even half as much.

I understand the above comments may seem selfish but this is the way that men think ALL the time. I mean, why is it that when women do they are said to not love their kids or be selfish. I take this to heart personally because I feel that people have viewed me as being selfish because I do not want children right now. I would ideally want to have them at 40 because it would be a time when my career would be set, me and my husband would have time to be married and travel-- basically we would be set. I mean, how wrong is that? I feel that women have the bigger burden when it comes to children. The woman has to put her career goals aside, be there constantly for the kids, her life is now her kids life, everything she may have wanted to do is put on hold. And lets be honest, this is not RIGHT,but its TRUE. Its not the way it SHOULD be, but it is HOW it is. Yes, some husbands are there, but lets be real, even more arent. Especially when you are dealing with teen pregnancies. How is it fair that the woman be chastised for wanting to try and enjoy their life? The father is!

I feel that there is an equal responsibility, if the woman knows that she has things she wants to do, then get on some form of birth control and try to prevent it. However, there are plenty of women who marry these men and think that the relationship is truly going to last. The husband/father leaves and she is left with the kids, the kids expenses, her expenses, bills, debt, mortage or rent--and the list goes on and on. You would be insane to tell me that a woman should WANT to live in these circumstances while the father is out living his life unattached. I feel that this is something that is going on and people are just accepting it. Women should take more precautions when it comes to having sex if they dont want the responsibility because, looking at this, you can see the responsibility falls on you. People are going around thinking sex is the prize and the children are just a product of it.NO! That is what sex is FOR, procreation! It was intended to produce children, but the world has so warped the notion that people are SHOCKED when they have unprotected sex and get pregnant.

I am not shunning new age science in letting us pretty much control when we are ready, but at the same time, nothing is 100% effective. I am not talking abstinence, that is not my job. What i am trying to get through peoples head is that when a child is here, they are HERE. It takes two. Everyone wants to shoutout that statement, but where is the statement when they are judging women like the ones above who REALLY feel that there should be TWO! Not just THEM taking care of something TWO of them created. We must get into the new mindset that we are not in the 20s anymore, women want careers, a life, and to not be the SOLE providers for their children. Why cant the woman send the kids to stay with the father half the year? Why cant she decide that it may be his turn to partake in HIS responsibility? The world does not see it that way, they want to preach equality but when are they going to realize that with their mindsets equality will never happen. It will never prosper if they keep giving men preferential treatment.


Toddler Development said...

Husband and wife who love each other will create a happy family and happy children.



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