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Tuesday, July 14, 2009


I finally got around to reading my new Cosmo, the August edition with Katy Perry on the front, when I began reading an interesting article that was written inside. It was entitled "4 Words that Cheatproof His Love" ("you are so hot") by Korin Miller. I decided to glance over it because, lets face it, men have been known to have a difficult time being faithful in a relationship. I actually agreed with her on some key points:

  • " 'You are so hot' taps in to a deep-seated insecurity for many men and offers them the reassurance they're yearning for"-- I have always felt that men, even those with the best intentions, have a weakness for an attractive woman coming on to them (just like women do with men). Women tend to forget the power of being physically desired by someone else because we can go down the street and be offered sex 8 times. Men dont usually get this because society has taught them to be the aggressor, and women have fallen into this routine too. We dont feel its our "place" to chase a man so we dont. But when another woman begins chasing a man, that makes them feel desired, the attention is addicting and only amplified in a long-term, beginning to get boring and routine relationship.

  • "Some men 'are so starved for validation'- if you say 'you are so hot' you've got 'em" - although men call us the weaker sex, they are by FAR weaker than women are. I always say that its harder for US not to cheat because we are being pressed CONSTANTLY for sex or what-not. Men, you have to actually go UP to the girl (ok, some guys are constantly being hit on but I am talking about the majority of the population that isnt) and bring up a convo, get aroused THEN try and use the excuse you were just ooooooo so tempted. PLEASE. Men want that ego-stroke too, just like women want to feel attractive to the opposite sex. Why else would we have tons of makeup, body enhancing (or de-hancing lol) products, sexy clothes, high heels- everything geared to attracting men.

  • " 'In a long-term relationship, if you want to keep passion alive, you have to keep the sexy compliments coming'...and by letting him know you want him, he'll be less likely to fall for it if some skank tries the same tactic"

This last one is the one that finally got me snapped out of my one-sided mentality and wake up to the reality that is staring me in the face. Although I agreed with the article, why is it that women have to try and cheatproof their relationship? Why is it that we have to keep the MAN from straying? Who says we haven't thought about it once or twice?

(OK DISCLAIMER TIME: baby, I am NOT thinking about cheating on you sweetie, this is just somethings that are coming from my opinion. I love you so much!-- sorry, my man reads my blog so I dont want him thinking im trying to say something. lol)

I went and typed "Cheat proof relationships" into Google just to make sure I was not being crazy and like I expected, most to all of the articles were geared to women cheatproofing their relationship or it openly tried to address both genders of a relationship. But when they addressed both sexes, in the little footnotes where you can see related articles, they tended to say " 12 signs he's cheating on you, How to catch a cheating boyfriend, Is he the one, How to forgive him after cheating" BUUTT I thought we were trying not to be bias. Our society has shifted the minds of women to think that men are the only ones capable of being unfaithful (I use this very loosely because we ALL know women cheat too). Almost every article or (when I was looking for a pic to go with this blog) picture was saying/showing the man cheating. Then we run around trying to find ways to make sure our men dont stray from us.

I love how they are trying to help women, but why arent they trying to change the man? Why are there no tips and tricks for him to use to keep US happy and from straying? No, they want us to run to the MAC stores and Victoria Secret all in hopes that he wont turn another eye. Newsflash- HE IS STILL GOING TO LOOK SWEETIE! Im sorry, but its the truth. I cant stand that we have been so brainwashed into thinking that there are things we can do to keep him from cheating. NOTHING we do can keep a man from cheating if he has already decided in his mind and heart that he is going to do it. It has to come from HIM wanting to do the right thing and HIM having the self-control to say no to tempting situations. All we can do is love and respect that man, if he doesnt appreciate this or appreciates it and still wants to be with other women too, then that is HIS problem. NOT YOURS

I digress from that because that was my little sidebar that I feel needed to be said. My whole point of this post was to maybe get some answers to the question, why dont men get these tips? I would think men writers and editors would put out some more tips for men to keep their women satisfied. Especially since we are approached more, more outwardly desired and, lets face it, ARENT DEAD. We see other attractive men when going out, we like attention, we love to hear "you are so hot". Why is it assumed that we just do not have the propensity to cheat? Why is it assumed by men that we wont turn an eye to the fine guy at the bar offering us a drink? Are we so much stronger than men when dealing with temptation that they feel that we wont go over and accept that drink? My whole opinion is this: we want to be cherished too. I want to find just ONE article that is written by a man geared toward other men to help them with their relationships. I just want ONE! I mean, I am in a great relationship with a man I love very much and I know he loves me (not that there arent things we dont need to work on), but i get approached by other men on a daily basis. Where are the articles out there trying to get him to cheatproof our relationship? Why is it posed to rest on ME to make sure HE doesnt stray? Why is it that the woman has to worry about weight, hair, makeup, clothes- her overall appearance in hopes to keep her man happy while still working a full time job with kids? And when his six-pack has turned into a keg...

I feel that we need to wake up and realize that there are two people in a relationship. Two people who have the full capability of something called self-control. Two people, also, with the ability to lose it. I just want women to stop reading these stupid advice tips and love your man with all you've got. That is ALL you can do, if he doesnt respect it then you know what you have to do. I got so sick of checking emails, texts, myspace, phone records and just let it go. I resolved in myself that I can only love him the best I can and if decides my best isn't good enough to be faithful to them F' it and Im moving on. Just realizing that released so much stress and pressure of trying to "make" him stay faithful to me. I stopped and by then I could focus on genuinely trying to make myself and our relationship better. By genuinely I mean that I was no longer trying to be nice or not have an attitude before he went out so that he wouldnt be tempted to cheat, I was doing it because I need to work on it point-blank. The fact of the matter is that guys usually cheat for sex, women cheat because they are missing that emotional connection that they lost with their man. With this being known, I would think that their would be more geared toward men trying to keep their women happy and satisfied. But the reality of it is that their isnt. It is sad, but its reality. So I am here to say that you need to communicate with your man about what you want in order to keep YOU faithful, keep YOU from being tempted. If he chooses not to listen then dust off your freak-um dress and find someone who will.


timethief said...

Yes, it's possible to establish cheat free relationships. The best way to do that is to remember two very old sayings. The first is "Make haste slowly". The second is "Select in haste and regret at your leisure".

During the falling in love stage of any relationship it's easy to mistake lust for love, and not take the time to be sure the foundation for a faithful and long lasting relationship do exist.

Ingredients required for a happy, healthy and enduring relationship:

(1) Awareness that happiness comes from within. You do have to be able to love yourself before you are capable of giving anything at all to another in a relationship.

(2) Trust is fundamental to commitment to the relationship. Without it the partners will be unable to treat each other with respect and equality, and to be supportive.

(3) Granting another person the freedom to be themselves, to stretch and grow or to wither and stagnate, is the ultimate result of love–unconditional love. Managing and controlling your partner is not - it's a personality disorder that requires treatment. Most relationships simply co-dependencies where power and control struggles between insecure and immature partners are the order of the day and that's why they fail.

(4) It may be more romantic to talk about love, but it’s important to remember that love is an emotion that waxes and wanes. Healthy relationships happen between two people who really like each other ie. mutual affection.

(5) Agreement to a healthy conflict resolution process is required from the outset of any relationship because arguments are a normal part of a relationship.

(6) Change can provide opportunities for growth and intimacy, but it can also be painful. In successful relationships, resilient couples learn to adapt and change together.

These points were taken from a post on my own blog. Best wishes for happy blogging. :)

BudgetBride said...

Another great post. I too - believe it's both ways.

Very interesting and insightful.

frankie.darnell. said...

just don't agree with
cheating. never have,
never will.
people that do cheat
shouldn't even commit
theirselves into a
serious relationship
when all their gonna
do is damage during the
why do that to your
other half?

mizzeboni said...

thanks for the replies people..i agree with you guys whole heartedly

@frankie i really dont know why people cheat on their partners, why waste their time? Let them find someone who appreciates them since you obviously dont, you kno?

Alternative Perspective said...

It is human nature to desire that which is not yours hence both partners in a relationship will lust after another person. Some might act on the lust whilst in others it will remain a fantasy....
Point I am trying to make is that we can never truly own a person.They will always cheat on us,even if only in their minds and if we can make peace with that then we will have successful relationships.



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