THINGS HE NEVER TAUGHT ME

He taught me some things, minor things. He taught me never to sit on another man's lap when I was a little girl, he taught me how to ride a bike, he taught me how to skate and not to fall asleep in church. Be good to my mother, love my brother and sister. He taught me how to paint my toenails by doing it himself. He taught me how to swing and not to play with boys!


But he never taught me how to love a man, trust a man. When all you see is him walking out on your mother because of another woman, its kind of hard for him to teach you about how to trust that someone that doesnt HAVE to love you will stay. I understand, she was just a little more important.

He never taught me that I shouldnt be "so" strong. How I should let the man be the man sometimes and that I dont have to control everything because it is what makes me comfortable. That I should take a step back and trust another to take control for me. But I understand, he left my mother to be strong all by herself so thats all I know. I try not to blame him, "she" was just a little more important.

He never taught me how to build a man up, how he needs to know that he is just as important or more important than your friends. How he needs to know that you are supportive in all that he does. He didnt teach me that saying "i told you so" or declaring that I was right was not nearly as important as saying "im here for you even though you may not have been right". But I understand, i know its hard to teach someone how to build up a man when you arent around to be built up. I know that "she" was just a little more important.

He never taught me that boys are sometimes mean, they will hurt you and not care. Dont trust all of them because some lie to your face, sneak behind your back, take advantage of you, break your heart, disrespect you to the point when the "right" one comes you are so guarded that you almost lose him. But I understand, its hard to teach me that when you are doing the same thing. I know you didnt want to sound like a hypocrite, i know that "she" just was more important.

He never taught me that just because he walked out didnt mean that the one who loved me would. That all men truly arent the same and that someone would truly want to stay with me forever. He never taught me how to trust a guy, to put it all on the line, risk it all because being in love is so much greater than guarding yourself to shelter you from the pain of love. But I understand, its a hard world out there, you had to take care of "her" and her child instead of raising your own.

He never taught me how to forgive, how I shouldnt hold things against people for so long. It does nothing but ruin me and only me. He never taught me how to try and reconcile and to push all the anger, frustration, hurt and rejection to the side and that time truly does heal but only if you let it. He never taught me how to pick up the phone and return his calls, how to write back to him, call him on his birthday even if he didnt call me on mine, how to at least send him a b.s card for fathers day because that at least is better than nothing, how to try and see him again because he is just a 2 hour flight away, how to tell him that I would love for him to walk me down the aisle one day, how to choose forgivness over hostility, how to love him regardless of the past. THAT i dont understand.