blog how to, blog trick, blog tips, tutorial blog, blog hack

Saturday, June 20, 2009

THINGS HE NEVER TAUGHT ME

He taught me some things, minor things. He taught me never to sit on another man's lap when I was a little girl, he taught me how to ride a bike, he taught me how to skate and not to fall asleep in church. Be good to my mother, love my brother and sister. He taught me how to paint my toenails by doing it himself. He taught me how to swing and not to play with boys!


But he never taught me how to love a man, trust a man. When all you see is him walking out on your mother because of another woman, its kind of hard for him to teach you about how to trust that someone that doesnt HAVE to love you will stay. I understand, she was just a little more important.

He never taught me that I shouldnt be "so" strong. How I should let the man be the man sometimes and that I dont have to control everything because it is what makes me comfortable. That I should take a step back and trust another to take control for me. But I understand, he left my mother to be strong all by herself so thats all I know. I try not to blame him, "she" was just a little more important.

He never taught me how to build a man up, how he needs to know that he is just as important or more important than your friends. How he needs to know that you are supportive in all that he does. He didnt teach me that saying "i told you so" or declaring that I was right was not nearly as important as saying "im here for you even though you may not have been right". But I understand, i know its hard to teach someone how to build up a man when you arent around to be built up. I know that "she" was just a little more important.

He never taught me that boys are sometimes mean, they will hurt you and not care. Dont trust all of them because some lie to your face, sneak behind your back, take advantage of you, break your heart, disrespect you to the point when the "right" one comes you are so guarded that you almost lose him. But I understand, its hard to teach me that when you are doing the same thing. I know you didnt want to sound like a hypocrite, i know that "she" just was more important.

He never taught me that just because he walked out didnt mean that the one who loved me would. That all men truly arent the same and that someone would truly want to stay with me forever. He never taught me how to trust a guy, to put it all on the line, risk it all because being in love is so much greater than guarding yourself to shelter you from the pain of love. But I understand, its a hard world out there, you had to take care of "her" and her child instead of raising your own.

He never taught me how to forgive, how I shouldnt hold things against people for so long. It does nothing but ruin me and only me. He never taught me how to try and reconcile and to push all the anger, frustration, hurt and rejection to the side and that time truly does heal but only if you let it. He never taught me how to pick up the phone and return his calls, how to write back to him, call him on his birthday even if he didnt call me on mine, how to at least send him a b.s card for fathers day because that at least is better than nothing, how to try and see him again because he is just a 2 hour flight away, how to tell him that I would love for him to walk me down the aisle one day, how to choose forgivness over hostility, how to love him regardless of the past. THAT i dont understand.

14 comments:

Michelle said...

Wow this is amazing..i thought i was the only one who thought like this
-emzda1

mizzeboni said...

Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I had to vent because all this fathers day stuff was getting to me

Michelle said...

I mean i talk 2 my dad everyday and he lives in another country..we are close but..i still feel certain things we just cant discuss..and i respect him...to an extent but at the same time...there is a void...he really made me ''hate men''...well kinda..LoL sad to say...im not gay..i just gave up ...or didnt understand ...or had no man around to lead by example

mizzeboni said...

girl i feel you.. when i did use to speak to him, it would be like, i would play like everything is all good and not talk about the things that were upsetting me because I didnt wanna hurt his feelings or anything. I just ended up stop talkin because Im just not one to be fake and act like im coo with someone when Im not. I believe one day if we could address these issues then our relationship could get better but I dont see that happening anytime soon. I am in no way sayin I dont love him because I do, its not like we was NEVER there because he was for a long while, even after they did split but..we moved across the country and things went down after that...

Ashia said...

I am almost speechless. THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL. Tears in my eyes.

mizzeboni said...

Thank you so much Ashia!! I really appreciate that..

yours truly said...

i think this is one of the deepest posts i've seen written by you since i've been browsing your blog. beautifully put. sometimes it's hard to put that kind of emotion into words but i think you should make posts like this more often. just a thought.

afrolicious said...

Wow, this is so beautifully written. I admire your bravery and honesty. I can relate with many of these points, even though my parents are still together. We carry a lot of them in us, don't we?

Write on! :)

Michelle said...

YEPZ yepz i feel u

mizzeboni said...

awww thanks you guys!! *tear* lol..

NOAH said...

wow, very sentimental but true,

especially this line..


But he never taught me how to love a man, trust a man. When all you see is him walking out on your mother because of another woman, its kind of hard for him to teach you about how to trust that someone that doesnt HAVE to love you will stay. I understand, she was just a little more important.

:) nice blog...

InALittleMinute said...

Your blog is great... keep up the good work! I love how you can get really deep & meaningful, and it sounds real!

Thanks for sharing

Kastina said...

A. This was awesome. My dad did the same thing, and I still don't understand how my now step-mother is higher up than me in his life.
But! on a happy note, this was awesome.

B. You left me the nicest comment ever. I super appreciate it. I'm def. following you too!

mizzeboni said...

awwww thank you guys again!! i appreciate it, keep checkin back in for more updates..

 

links

www.twitter.com/fashionlovers1 http://livinthefablife.blogspot.com www.myspace.com/eboni_queen

© Black Newspaper Copyright by because all opinions are not created equal | Template by Blogger Templates | Blog Trick at Blog-HowToTricks