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Friday, June 19, 2009


I have always wondered what made people cheat. I mean, not someone who does it once and never does it again, but those who seem to be "repeat offenders". What causes them to feel that they just need to dip out on their significant other and pursue someone that they may not even want to deal with outside of sex. Why mess up something that is going good for a few minutes, or hours, of sex? This led me to pose the question, can people be pushed to cheat? Are there certain situations in which someone may get a "pass" if they gotcaught up?

I have had this convo with others and myself (dont laugh, i do think to myself!). Some believe that there is NO excuse to cheat, its wrong and they use the oh-so-famous "once a cheater, always a cheater" (which is a WHOLE other post because I couldn't disagree more). Others believe that there are some times when people are pushed into the arms of others because they dont have that "something good". I believe that there are times when you feel so compelled to run to something or someone else because you can feel so irritated, frustrated, unappreciated, emotionally drained by the person you are with that ANYTHING looks better. However, I believe that these are the times that you should grow close to your mate. These are the times when communication is so crucial because the other may truly not feel things are that bad. These are the times when your man or woman needs to know how you feel and what you are planning to do and they need to show you that you ARE important to them and then that is when working on the relationship comes into place.

I am very objective in everything. I can see both sides of an argument before they are even presented so I can see those who say that there is no excuse for cheating. They feel that why cheat? Why not break up? Which leads me to pose another question, why don't they leave? Especially the "repeat offenders". Those who use the reason that they were driven to cheat by nagging or feeling lonely or feeling detached or unappreciative, blah blah blah, why do you stay with that person? Something is drawing you back or drawing you to stay. Whether it be that you really care for that person or you are using them (lets keep it real, it does happen)for a place to stay or be "taken care of".

On the other hand of my objectivity, is there a "get out of jail free" card in regards to cheating? Bad sex, nagging, boredom, ect.? Are there times when we can "understand" when someone runs to the arms of someone else. I mean, dont look at it just as men cheating on their women, women cheat too! If your girl said her man is not paying her any attention and they barely talk, does she get a "pass" to jump in the bed with someone else? If your boy says his girl complains constantly, always got an attitude, dont take care of herself anymore, does he have a "get out of cheater jail" pass?

This leads to the 80/20 rule, do you think it really exists? Should we really just ignore that 20 or deal with it because the 80 is so great? What if the 80 is that they have a job, money, house, loves jesus, takes care of you, supports and loves your family, very bright, articulate, well-dressed, extremely attractive, but the 20 is they are constantly lying and cheating on you? Are you supposed to deal with that 20 to compensate for the 80? I personally do not believe in the 80/20 rule, I believe there is only 60% of a person you like, 20% you can deal with, and the last 20% causes you to be tempted to stray.But that is just me

But you speak on it..


David said...

I don't think there is ever a green light to cheat. At the very core of human existence is dignity - we are not animals. And as such we are entitled to the truth and obligated to communicate honestly especially in relationships.

mizzeboni said...

o that is deep.. i completely understand. But what if you communicate and communicate but nothing happens? are you supposed to stick it out? Or is it easier just to leave?

Anonymous said...

Everything happens for reasons. We all need energy. If a person does not receive it from a partner (or sometimes a partner might burn your energy,) he (she) subconsciously looks for the source of it. And what is it that for most of people? Sex, food, shopping.



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