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Thursday, June 18, 2009


Thanks to @brookandthecity (you can catch her @ too) I just had to post another topic even though I wasnt today. Ok, she posed the question "ok folk, question of the day-which came first, the sex or the date? DAMN do women get courted anymore? what happened to the "DATE" (via Twitter). And by reading her retweeted responses I got a sense that chivalry is dead and gone and there are no "dates" anymore, just "hook-ups", "casual encounters", and in some pretty bad situations "I took you to McDonalds, so that counts as a date" and still think it is ok to ask for sex. She may go ahead and post that on her site, so Im not even going to talk about that because that would be triflin!! lol..She also posted something saying that her former hs friend or associate married her one night stand. THAT IS WHERE MY BLOG PICKS UP!! lol..I tweeted her back saying that me and my boyfriend (yes, we are still together, over 3 1/2 years) went on our first date and the next night we met up we had sex. Ok, we have a lot of situations surrounding why we couldnt date (long story, no time for it here)so we decided to be "comfort buddies" (lol, you know what i REALLY mean). But it turned into a relationship anyways and we've been together ever since, even moved to a different state together and we are still making it.

Enough about that, my question is: Does sex on the first date or "friends with benefits" really lead to nothing more? I know its rare but,just like in my circumstance, it led to a healthy, loving relationship. But the other 90% of people who try this fail miserably. Why is that? Why do some work and others do not? I cannot say that Oh, it was just the sex because sex is not the only reason to stay with someone and that is why I believe "friends with benefits" fail. Is it the chemistry or do you guys believe it really is the sex? There have been some cases where people marry after knowing their spouse for a day and are married for 30, 40 years.And then there are people who knew there spouse a few years before they are married and end up divorcing. I am baffled (yes I said baffled!) about what makes these situations work for some and not for others. I mean, I do not think we did anything out of the ordinary or we are just two tremendously compatible people and that is why we lasted. Reflecting on it, I really and truly dont know how we made it past that time where we KNEW that sex was all it could be.

So Im throwing it out there, what does or does not make a "friends with benefits" or "first date sexual encounter" progress further than just that?


Anonymous said...

Men are sexually driven. I this sounds bad, but its true. We can't help it. We were made to desire to spread our seed. But, since we are human, we are able to control this desire and suppress it if need be to pursue a committed relationship. The problem with sex on the first date is that men are sexually driven. So if they satisfy this desire on the first date, many men won't stick around long enough to see what else there is about that women to desire - especially if they have never had a loving relationship or they have and don't want another. In which case they don't why they should suppress the desire or simply don't want to.



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