STANDING ON OUR OWN TWO FEET

At first I knew i was just going to HAVE to watch this show when it came out. Not because I particularly care for either of the ladies but because it just looked like a hot mess waiting to happen (im such a fool for "reality" tv shows). I watched the first episode, and about half way through it I had resolved in my mind to never watch it again (even though I have- what can I say, Im weak). But I kept watching and towards the end of the show (around the 16:53 mark inthe video below) the ladies were gathered with friends for a "sleepover". Watch what is said.

If you are like me and didnt watch, or just went right to the mark, I will summarize. What Toya, who is the ex-wife of one of the (if not THE) biggest rap artist out right now. They were together way before the money and fame (but I believe they got married when he was in the beginning stages of his fame). Well, in that clip at the end, she goes on about how/why she is still single, how she cant find a man and all that good stuff but one of her friends reply "its hard to top who (or where) you've been". This meant that there was little possiblity to meet someone who could have her living as well as Lil Wayne does. And this led me to start thinking...

I understand that the statement was indeed true. Its hard to find a man that is going to have her living the lifestyle she's been accustomed to. However, what I dont find particularly correct is the fact that she feels that someone HAS to give her the lifestlye she is accustomed too. Assuming that this is the reason (and using this situation to touch on similar situations throughout the world) she is still single, then why dont you go do something to make it on your own. She's even said in pre-show interviews "I didnt think I could have all these things without this man" (paraphrasing of course). She admitted that the things that she, and most women, want out of life could not possibly be attained without him providing it for her. My thoughts are:

1) Why does HE have to provide for you? Why cant you go and make something out of your own life in order to try and maintain that lifestyle that you only FEEL you cant live without. Guess what hun? You grew up with little means as you stated, is it THAT far behind you that you cant even remember how to survive with little? What kills me about women is that we try to make it seem as if soon as we get someone with money, who has "rescued us from our situation", we cant go back to that previous life if that person leaves. You were making it and surviving before, now you may have some money laying around, if you saved it (which would've been smart) in order to go get a head start to provide for yourself.

2) That man came from the same area and background you did, so if he made it, why cant you? Toya is a pretty woman, you have some clout being Lil Wayne's ex, instead of trying to make quick money selling him out (its rumored she is writing a tell-all book), why dont you go and try and do something with the new-found "celebrity" you have ( yeah, cuz now-a-days, everyone is a celebrity).

3) Why cant you lower your standards to someone who is going to love you and provide the best he can? I am not going to sit here and pretend like I believe there havent been men that have tried to date her, and more than likely, got turned down because they were lower than what she had been accustomed to. Meaning, they were not able to provide for her the way lil wayne has. We often turn our nose up at men who arent living up to our standards financially. We feel that it is the man's role to provide, and if he is not providing like the last, then there is a problem.

4) With that comes the opposite, if we are looking for a man to provide for us financially like the last one did, and he is perfectly able to, what makes you think that he wants YOU? I mean, she is pretty but what else is being brought to the table? You cannot sit there and expect a man to live up to your expectations financially if you are not living up to his in any other area besides looks. If he wants a trophy wife, then some of you women are in luck. But I would think a man would want something more to be tied down to than a pretty face. And a child by another man.


We have to look at ourselves people. We have to see what we can offer someone else, not always what that person can offer us. It has to be more than that. I dont think that people should only look for, in a spouse, what they cannot do for themselves. If you cannot provide for yourself financially, why do you just seek to be with someone who will? By this I mean, its perfectly natural to want security when picking a mate, but at the same time, you need to be able to match what they bring. It may not be nickel-for-nickel, but match in a sense of being able to stand on your own two feet if they decide they dont want to be with you anymore. It has to be an equal distribution, not just take take take take take. I wouldnt want to be with someone who I did not feel was on my level, but at the same time, if I know I desire a lifestyle, I will try to better myself in order to achieve it. So when I find a mate that is able to live that way too, it will be equal and I wont feel inadequate with or without him.