I was wondering the other day, is it really possible for people to forgive AND forget. Everyone goes around saying that we must forgive and forget in order to get on with our lives, but I just dont think this is possible whatsoever. God tells us to forgive each other so that he can forgive us for our sins, but (unless I am wrong, correct me if so) I dont remember him saying to forget about these transgressions from others against us. I seriously may be wrong but I only recall him saying that he was the only one to throw our sins into the sea of forgetfulness. I truly believe that human beings are incapable of doing so.
I know that we should forgive (which is extremely hard for me because I dont let anything go) others not only because it is what we are called to do, but also because its good for your own self. I mean, holding on to things that people have done to you is detrimental to yourself because while that person is going around living life, everytime you think about that person you get angry, uncomfortable, and sometimes cant even function with the rest of your day. Its unhealthy at best because a hardened heart fosters a damaged soul. But that is not even the part I'm truly focusing on, its the forgetting part that I am trying to elaborate on. Take this for example: My boyfriend and I were living together when we started having a lot of arguments and frustration as many couples have. We were just not getting along at all. So, against my repeated instructions, he went and told his brother what was going on with us. His brother decided to try and hook him up with a female that stayed around our area. This was the most enraging thing that had ever happened to me. When I say that I was mad, I was INFURIATED. I truly lost it because I felt that no matter what we are going through, its nobody elses job to try and fix it. Needless to say, this didnt help our arguing whatsoever. I could not get over it for so long and whenever I would think about it, I would get so upset that I could sometimes not function because it was all I could think about. And it wasnt like this was some distant friend or relative, this was his brother so I knew he would stay in contact with him. I didnt know what to do because I felt that he shouldnt want to talk to someone who had completely disrespected me like that, but I also knew how close they were. I felt so angry for so long and it wasnt until I went to church and my pastor said, "You have never forgiven someone until you can think about that situation and it no longer hurts or upsets you". This is where my breakthrough came. He broke it down about how that person is going on with their life and not thinking anything about you, and you cant stop thinking about them. I prayed a LONG time about it and I finally got to the point where it didnt hurt anymore, I wasnt sad anymore.So I had forgiven him for it all because it was only hindering me and my relationship as well when I thought about it. But could I really forget? I mean Im told that I should forget as well but how is that POSSIBLE? How can I forget something that was done to me that had me more angry than I had ever been before? I feel that when you forget, you are to perceive the situation as never happening. So you are to go up to the person, love that person, respect that person because is that not what you are supposed to do to people that have done nothing wrong to you? I know some of you are like, HELL NO! I couldnt do that. So you truly have not forgotten because you could not imagine doing that to someone who has hurt you immensely. I dont think I will ever forget what his brother did to me because I feel that people show you who they really are, it is just our jobs to decipher it. He showed me who he was as a person, so why should I forget what he did and leave myself open to being hurt by his ignorance again. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me right? It is just like the saying that experience is the best teacher. If you take something that has happened to you and completely forgotten about it, then how can you learn from it. If you have made mistakes in your life, you forgive yourself for making them, but then you learn not to do them again. What if you just forgot every mistake you made, you leave yourself open to making those same mistakes again, and again, and again. So if you forget, how are you supposed to grow. I learn how to trust from what I have seen people do to me and for me. If someone has repeatedly hurt me, and I just keep forgiving and forgetting, how do I learn what is good for me; how do I learn that that situation is not healthy for me?
SO, my question for you guys is: Is it really possible to forgive AND forget?
1 comments:
An ex-boyfriend of mine recently contacted me, two years later, to apologize for doing me dirty. He had been carrying the guilt and shame around all of that time for hurting the best woman he ever had, and probably will ever have. Anyway, it took me a year to recover from the emotional distress he caused me. It was hard at first to forgive him, but in the end I did. However, I won't ever forget what he did to me. So I wonder, just because we forgive someone, but can't forget what has been done, have we indeed, really forgiven the person?
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