RAMBLINGS OF AN INSOMNIAC

*just writing from what im thinking right now, ramblings of an insomniac*

Sometimes I look at this world and am deeply conflicted about what I am to perceive of it. I mean, there is so many things that break and tear you down in life that death is sometimes more easy than life. But I believe suicide is the most selfish act anyone can do. You are not only killing yourself, but those around you as well. You are not only losing your life but taking the life of the ones that have seen you at your best and worst and loved you despite of it. People today are so full of self-interest that the are killing this world. They are so consumed in thinking about what is good or best for them, they dont weigh their actions. We are a self-absorbed world. We are a think-we-are-entitled world. We feel that because we walk god's green earth that we are owed something, we are owed NOTHING. God owes us NOTHING! Half the time we only deserve nothing. We walk around doing what we want, saying what we want, acting like we want, thinking like we want, but turn around and say Jesus is our Lord. But is he? Take a step back and look at yourself. Would God even know who you were? "We are so blind in our own eyes that we wouldn't know God if we were in front of him"- Trick Daddy said it best. We walk around with this false perception that if we say the Lord's name that is automatic ticket into heaven. God, this world is headed to hell in a handbasket. People ask where are you, why do you do the things you do. But doesn't your word say that your thoughts are above ours? We could never begin to fathom the immaculate plan that you have for this world, even down to the demise of it. Why do we act as though we dont see the signs? Why do we walk around with blinders on pretending that we have all this time left and are one day closer to death with every breath we take.

Obama proposed the idea that America is ready for change. America apparently agreed with him since he is our first black president. But why do they feel that he has more power than God? They blame Bush. Republicans blame the democrats. Democrats blame the republicans. Elite blame the poor. The poor blame the rich. The young blame the old. The old blame the young. When will they see that its your way of getting our attention? Your way of showing us things about ourselves that we should have been doing a long time ago? Saving money, conserving, watching more over these big businesses..This problem has been lurking in the shadows for quite some time but since everyone wanted "change", CHANGE IS HAPPENING. Our country is changing from the greatest one on Earth, to...... you see what is happening. Countries are no longer afraid of us, our economy is in the pitts, we are waging a useless, life taking war. But its ok, because afterall, didnt this same country want change? Or was it just change that benefited them? Hummmm... Lets think about it. No one really wants to change. They dont, unless its easy and beneficial. Change came in the form of a black president who my grandparents NEVER thought they would see since the grand and great-grandchildren of those who spit on them, told them where they could and could not go, beat them, discriminated against them, ridiculed them were the same ones who voted for this black man. But it came with a failing economy and global crisis. Was this the change America wanted? Change is not always easy. Change is sometimes the hardest thing to do, especially when it is dealing with yourself. We dont wanna change! We want easiness, we want false realities, we want two-faced yes-men that conform to these false realities, we want white-picket fenses, we want a 60 year marriage but affairs on the side when the spouse becomes to much, we want money at the expense of everything because that is what life is about isnt it? The American Dream? We dont wanna look at ourselves and say that we are fucked up. We dont wanna look at the world and dare to make a difference. We wanna get up, go to work, make money, come home, have sex, eat and go to sleep. That person starving in Africa or Afghanistan means nothing to us. We have not thought about them once today. O, but we wanna "change". NO, the world does not want change unless it benefits them. Change is difficult. We wanna be diamonds but dont wanna undergo the process it takes to turn into them from coal. NAAAHHHHH. We rather try to paint ourselves up and put on this false sense of being to imitate the diamond. We dont wanna go through being heated and shaped and molded into something better than we already are. O, but didnt we so want change?