CHEAT-PROOFING ONLY FOR WOMEN? NOT SO!!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009- " 'You are so hot' taps in to a deep-seated insecurity for many men and offers them the reassurance they're yearning for"-- I have always felt that men, even those with the best intentions, have a weakness for an attractive woman coming on to them (just like women do with men). Women tend to forget the power of being physically desired by someone else because we can go down the street and be offered sex 8 times. Men dont usually get this because society has taught them to be the aggressor, and women have fallen into this routine too. We dont feel its our "place" to chase a man so we dont. But when another woman begins chasing a man, that makes them feel desired, the attention is addicting and only amplified in a long-term, beginning to get boring and routine relationship.
- "Some men 'are so starved for validation'- if you say 'you are so hot' you've got 'em" - although men call us the weaker sex, they are by FAR weaker than women are. I always say that its harder for US not to cheat because we are being pressed CONSTANTLY for sex or what-not. Men, you have to actually go UP to the girl (ok, some guys are constantly being hit on but I am talking about the majority of the population that isnt) and bring up a convo, get aroused THEN try and use the excuse you were just ooooooo so tempted. PLEASE. Men want that ego-stroke too, just like women want to feel attractive to the opposite sex. Why else would we have tons of makeup, body enhancing (or de-hancing lol) products, sexy clothes, high heels- everything geared to attracting men.
- " 'In a long-term relationship, if you want to keep passion alive, you have to keep the sexy compliments coming'...and by letting him know you want him, he'll be less likely to fall for it if some skank tries the same tactic"
This last one is the one that finally got me snapped out of my one-sided mentality and wake up to the reality that is staring me in the face. Although I agreed with the article, why is it that women have to try and cheatproof their relationship? Why is it that we have to keep the MAN from straying? Who says we haven't thought about it once or twice?
(OK DISCLAIMER TIME: baby, I am NOT thinking about cheating on you sweetie, this is just somethings that are coming from my opinion. I love you so much!-- sorry, my man reads my blog so I dont want him thinking im trying to say something. lol)
I went and typed "Cheat proof relationships" into Google just to make sure I was not being crazy and like I expected, most to all of the articles were geared to women cheatproofing their relationship or it openly tried to address both genders of a relationship. But when they addressed both sexes, in the little footnotes where you can see related articles, they tended to say " 12 signs he's cheating on you, How to catch a cheating boyfriend, Is he the one, How to forgive him after cheating" BUUTT I thought we were trying not to be bias. Our society has shifted the minds of women to think that men are the only ones capable of being unfaithful (I use this very loosely because we ALL know women cheat too). Almost every article or (when I was looking for a pic to go with this blog) picture was saying/showing the man cheating. Then we run around trying to find ways to make sure our men dont stray from us.
I love how they are trying to help women, but why arent they trying to change the man? Why are there no tips and tricks for him to use to keep US happy and from straying? No, they want us to run to the MAC stores and Victoria Secret all in hopes that he wont turn another eye. Newsflash- HE IS STILL GOING TO LOOK SWEETIE! Im sorry, but its the truth. I cant stand that we have been so brainwashed into thinking that there are things we can do to keep him from cheating. NOTHING we do can keep a man from cheating if he has already decided in his mind and heart that he is going to do it. It has to come from HIM wanting to do the right thing and HIM having the self-control to say no to tempting situations. All we can do is love and respect that man, if he doesnt appreciate this or appreciates it and still wants to be with other women too, then that is HIS problem. NOT YOURS
I digress from that because that was my little sidebar that I feel needed to be said. My whole point of this post was to maybe get some answers to the question, why dont men get these tips? I would think men writers and editors would put out some more tips for men to keep their women satisfied. Especially since we are approached more, more outwardly desired and, lets face it, ARENT DEAD. We see other attractive men when going out, we like attention, we love to hear "you are so hot". Why is it assumed that we just do not have the propensity to cheat? Why is it assumed by men that we wont turn an eye to the fine guy at the bar offering us a drink? Are we so much stronger than men when dealing with temptation that they feel that we wont go over and accept that drink? My whole opinion is this: we want to be cherished too. I want to find just ONE article that is written by a man geared toward other men to help them with their relationships. I just want ONE! I mean, I am in a great relationship with a man I love very much and I know he loves me (not that there arent things we dont need to work on), but i get approached by other men on a daily basis. Where are the articles out there trying to get him to cheatproof our relationship? Why is it posed to rest on ME to make sure HE doesnt stray? Why is it that the woman has to worry about weight, hair, makeup, clothes- her overall appearance in hopes to keep her man happy while still working a full time job with kids? And when his six-pack has turned into a keg...
I feel that we need to wake up and realize that there are two people in a relationship. Two people who have the full capability of something called self-control. Two people, also, with the ability to lose it. I just want women to stop reading these stupid advice tips and love your man with all you've got. That is ALL you can do, if he doesnt respect it then you know what you have to do. I got so sick of checking emails, texts, myspace, phone records and just let it go. I resolved in myself that I can only love him the best I can and if decides my best isn't good enough to be faithful to them F' it and Im moving on. Just realizing that released so much stress and pressure of trying to "make" him stay faithful to me. I stopped and by then I could focus on genuinely trying to make myself and our relationship better. By genuinely I mean that I was no longer trying to be nice or not have an attitude before he went out so that he wouldnt be tempted to cheat, I was doing it because I need to work on it point-blank. The fact of the matter is that guys usually cheat for sex, women cheat because they are missing that emotional connection that they lost with their man. With this being known, I would think that their would be more geared toward men trying to keep their women happy and satisfied. But the reality of it is that their isnt. It is sad, but its reality. So I am here to say that you need to communicate with your man about what you want in order to keep YOU faithful, keep YOU from being tempted. If he chooses not to listen then dust off your freak-um dress and find someone who will.
ARE WE STILL BLAMING THE WOMAN?
Tuesday, July 7, 2009"And I’m sorry but Rihanna and her skanky ass needs to go sit down somewhere. Parading around with a married man and his child. Dumb whore!"
CAN WE STOP WITH THE LAME EXCUSES TO DATE WHTE WOMEN!!
Friday, June 26, 2009This was a post by a guest blogger on another site so Im not goin to put the link and make it look like that site is whats wrong. I was NOT going to touch on the white woman v black woman topic because its been dealt with so much and I am about bridging the gap instead of further dividing it. HOWEVER!!! My blood was BOILING after I read this post by one of the most ignorant, self-absorbed, lazy excuse for a black man I have ever seen. Let me put this out in the atmosphere before I get started. I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS!! I know I just posted about black men preferring white women, but that was to address hypocritical statements they made.I am choosing to do this because I am just pissed and its my blog so I can talk about whatever I want! And because I feel that you can prefer what you prefer but when you try and tear down a whole group of people to try and justify why you choose to go with a group of people. And yes, it is a CHOICE and why I feel its a CHOICE is because you could jus as easily have dealt with black women but you were to consumed with doing your own thing.
Another reason it is a CHOICE is because we, black women, CHOOSE to stay and try to hang on to what is left of the black male population. It is funny how black men, EVERY SINGLE LAST ONE OF THEM THAT I'VE HAD THIS DISCUSSION WITH, can only address black women's "attitude" when trying to justify why they move on to other races. THE ONLY REASON! I have not heard anything different and Im not lying. What is the real kicker is that black women will still hang on to black men despite of way worse situations.
STATS:
- Nationally 1.9 million (only a quarter of the population) of black men between 18 and 24 attended college in 2000--> Graduation rate of black men is lowest of any population
- In 1999- 25% more black men in jail than enrolled in higher education; today 41% of inmates! Black men make up only 4% of all American students in college
- Black men are 5 times more likely to die of HIV/AIDS (136.8 black men have HIV, 60.6 of black women; 81.3 of black males have AIDS, 39.8% of black women) (avert.org)
- In 2000- 65% of black male high school dropouts in their 20s were jobless- unable to find job, not seeking one or incarcerated; 2004-71%! (helpstartsphere.org)
- In 2003, 64.1% of black men without job- come on we are in a recession now, sooo how many you think are out of one now?
- President Obama- "Many black men simply cannot affort to raise a family...And sadly too many made the choice not to"--AND A SINGLE MOTHER CAN AFFORD TO?? 7 out of 10 African American children are raised in a single mother home
These stats was to justify my point that black men have SO much going against them in life. They have so many obstacles to overcome, and because of the color of their skin they are born with a disadvantage in the world. BUT black women STILL hold on to the faith that there is something in him, we do not turn our backs on black men. But they are so quick to turn on us? Because of our "attitudes"? I think some black men are just WEAK! They dont wanna be told what they need to do so all of a sudden we have attitudes and nag all the time. WOW! Based on these statistics, why do black women stay with black men? Why dont we just move on to white men because they excel across the board in comparison to black men? We DONT, we STAY! We dont GIVE UP! That is what makes me even more upset when black men like the one above makes statements like that. And I will point out the hypocricies and where he was just a plum idiot..
"I do not have to carry the race with my interactions with white women; with black women, you are representing the whole race and gender of black men. You deal with the baggage of every black girls life" - Excuse me but I do not expect any black man to carry the whole race! Thats ridiculous. How many times have I said all men (despite race) are not the same? I expect you to exceed above the others in your race and show that despite the obstacles a black man can achieve something in life. He can be called to a higher position in this world (Barack Obama?? And he has a BLACK woman at his side!! )
"I dont want to deal with how black men are always cheating and leaving some black woman for a white woman."-This is just hypocritical!! I mean, isnt that what you JUST said you were doing? Leaving black women for a white one? COME ON!! Love is love. You can fall in it and out of it with a woman from any race. Black love is not beautiful. White love is not beautiful. LOVE itself is beautiful.
"I do not need to hear about how some black men is always skipping out on his responsibilities.I do not need to hear about how black women have carried the race for so long, that its times that black men stepped up to the plate."- They are! Im sorry, just look at the facts! NO, you were too busy trying to prove a point with no statistics or facts to see that black families are the highest proportion of any race to have the father absent from the home. Black men are the highest group to be unemployed. So how is it wrong to point out the truth? I mean, you guys are always trying to "keep it real" but you cant even keep it real with yourselves.
Latin women cook for you..black woomen say "I aint your mother"....White women will chill at the house when you're broke, black women will tell you the second you decline "How come we dont ever go anywhere?".... THIS WAS LAUGHABLE!! So you wanna stay broke and have a woman take care of you? So, if this isnt a man wanting a woman to be his mother I dont know what is! Has he ever taken the time to step back and see where HE is wrong and that it may just be the black women HE chooses? My mother STAYED in the kitchen for my father, my grandmother still STAYS in the kitchen for my grandfather so how are you going to make such a one-sided, only-based-on-your-experience statement and try to pass it off as fact. Why would you just WANT to be broke? And believe me, if you seen the stats for white women and the black men they date, they are usually the C.E.O's and athletes so get your facts straight.
"If the large majority of you are one way, you need to huddle with your people about what the majority voice before coming to me claiming to be the exception"- HYPOCRITE!!! How are you going to tell us that we are all acting the same and that is why you are trying to include "all black women", but you are claimin to be the exception to all black men? As the statistics STATE, a large portion to majority of black men are in jail, uneducated, unemployed and infected with HIV/AIDS. SOOOOOO... we are not supposed to classify you as "aint bein shit" even if the large majority of you are that way?? Maybe YOU need to huddle up with YOUR black brothas and forge a "get-my-shit-together-" plan and maybe, just MAYBE, you guys wont have to deal with black women trying to lead you into getting your stuff together.
*IF YOU WERE LOOKING FOR AN UPLIFTING PROVERB TO THE BLACK MAN, IT AINT HAPPENIN RIGHT NOW!! I AM ENGAGED TO A BLACK MAN WHO DOES NOT FIT ANY OF THOSE ABOVE STATS SO I KNOW IT CAN BE DONE! SO THERE IS A TID-BIT OF INFO BEFORE YOU CLAIM IM A 'BITTER, LONELY' BLACK WOMAN, CUZ IM NOT! I LOVE BLACK MEN AND WILL NEVER GIVE UP ON THEM, BUT I AM SOMEONE WHO IS VERY OPEN TO DATING OTHER RACES *
FOR BLACK MEN- TO WHOM IT REFERS
Wednesday, June 24, 20090 I am a black male
0 I am not a black male and so will NOT fill out this survey!
I find straight hair more attractive than "afro" hair
0 YES
0 NO
I find blond, brown, or redheads more attractive than black haired girls
0 YES
0 NO
I find lighter skin more attractive than darker skin
0 YES
0 NO
I find a small, pointy, narrow nose more attractive than a large, flat, wide nose
0 YES
0 NO
I find thin or medium lips more attractive than thick lips
0 YES
0 NO
Considering your responses to the previous questions:
0 I find Caucasian features to be more attractive
0 I find Black features to me more attractive
If you responded YES to the previous question, does this mean you find Caucasian women more attractive (on average) than black women?
0 YES
0 NO
Again if you answered yes to the "caucasian features vs. black features" question, this must imply that you find white men (who have Caucasian features) more attractive than Black men (who have black features) since you find caucasian features more attractive than black features in general
0 YES that follows
0 NO because I must think of myself as attractive so I cannot say that
If you find Caucasian features more attractive than black features, why don't you find your features less attractive than those of white men?
0 I do not want to see myself as unattractive
0 This is an issue of racial self-hatred that a lot of black men face
0 I DO think my features are less attractive than those of white men
0 I realize that this is hypocritical, but I can't think of an explanation
If you find light skin more attractive than dark skin, do you think YOU would be more attractive if you had lighter skin?
0 YES
0 NO
If you find a small, narrow, pointy nose more attractive than a large, wide, flat nose, do you think YOU would be more attractive if you had a smaller, narrower, pointier nose?
0 YES
0 NO
If you find thin lips more attractive than thick lips, do you think YOU would be more attractive if you had thinner lips?
0 YES
0 NO
If you find straight hair more attractive than "afro" hair, do you think YOU would be more attractive if you had straighter hair?
0 YES
0 NO
If you find light skin more attractive than dark skin, do you think BLACK WOMEN would be more attractive if they had lighter skin?
0 YES
0 NO
If you find a small, narrow, pointy nose more attractive than a large, wide, flat nose, do you think BLACK WOMEN would be more attractive if they had smaller, narrower, pointier noses?
0 YES
0 NO
If you find thin lips more attractive than thick lips, do you think BLACK WOMEN would be more attractive if they had thinner lips?
0 YES
0 NO
If you find straight hair more attractive than "afro" hair, do you think BLACK WOMEN would be more attractive if they had straighter hair?
0 YES
0 NO
Looking at the above 8 questions, if you DON'T think YOU would be more attractive with Caucasian features, but you DO think BLACK WOMEN would be more attractive with Caucasian features, how do you explain these conflicting views?
0 I just hope white women find my features attractive
0 I don't want to see myself as unattractive
0 I realize this is hypocritical, and I can't explain it!
0 I've convinced myself that black features are attractive on men but not on women
If you answered that you find Caucasian features more attractive than black features (especially on women), would you find your future daughter (with a white woman) less attractive if she inherited more of your black features?
0 YES- Like I said, black features are attractive on a man, but not on a woman!
0 YES- I hope she inherits more white features
0 NO- I realize this contradicts my earlier statements
If you answered that you find Caucasian features more attractive than black features, would you find your future daughter (with a white woman) more attractive if she'd had a white father instead of you?
0 YES- white people are just more attractive
0 YES- but it's the best that I can do genetically
0 NO- I realize this is contradictory
I found this poll @ misterpoll.com, I did not do this to demean or degrade the black male. What I did this for is to address the hypocrisy that occurs in some to most of their minds. This was not meant to be an actual survey but a poll to show you that their are so many things that can be labeled as hypocritical that black males participate in. And this is for those "brothas" who say they prefer a white or light skin woman over a darker skinned woman. This is not because I am upset or angry because Im a chocolate sista. NO! I get approached by lighter skin men about 2 times as much as darker skinned ones. This is for those who say they like light skin or white women because of their physical features which darker women may not possess. You prefer what you prefer but lets examine some things first. This poll helped take a different approach that even I have never thought about. If blk men (esp darker skin) say that white or light skin women are more attractive, then basically they need to open their minds and think about it for a min. So you are saying that white or lighter skin blk men are more attractive than YOU! Their features are better than yours and you should deem them more asthetically pleasing than you are. Because isnt that what you are saying when you place those "qualifications" on blk women? But then comes the kicker, does it only relate to women? If you are a brotha and, esp darker skin, and you possess the same features of a blk, darker-skin women and you consider yourself attractive, then why cant you consider the same for the women? Hyporitical shall I say? And another kicker, if you are a blk men, you are sayin that your potential, future daughters will not be as attractive as a white or lighter skin blk women? So, if you are NOT saying that then why is that you (if you do) put these qualifications of beauty upon your black female peers? Why do black women have to conform to these standards of "beauty" even if YOU dont, but you still hold that you can still be labeled as attractive.
This was NOT to diss all black men because I know that all of you do not feel or think this way. I am just addressing an issue that you would be deaf, blind and dumb not to believe exists in our community. Im aiming at making people THINK before allowing things to come out of their mouth. I want to show that this hypocrisy exists and hope that they are open-minded enough to actually see that these comparisons, if they are going to be made, needs to be made across the board. These "features" do not know gender or age, so why should you place these boundaries on them? Why should you place "circumstances" and "exceptions" on something that has none?
WHY DO WOMEN.....????
Thursday, June 18, 2009Why do women:
1) hate on other females? You know women do. I mean, I have seen girls walk into a room (ive walked into a few myself) and just had the most hateful glares from other females. She did NOTHING!! What is so wrong with another female being pretty or prettier than you?
2) dress up in the most provacative clothes, I mean half-naked, and wonder why you they attract all these one-nighters? I know men cannot judge you by what you wear, but reality has shown us people DO judge a book by its cover.
3) call their man when he is out with his boys? LEAVE HIM ALONE!! My god, at least he aint out cheatin on you. And if you calling to make sure of that you really need to re-evaluate why you are in that relationship
4) bring up they weight all the time?? O lord! Go to the gym or shut the f**k up!
5) continually get advice on they relationship from their single, lonely, bitter friends??
6) go through they dudes phone and try to call the girls in it? The reason I say this is because I've had some girls callin me about they dude- NOT CUTE BOO!?! Check your man
7) still only blame the female if they man cheatin with her? Unless she KNEW about you, then you have no reason to attack that girl..that is YOUR man, YOU are in a relationship with HIM, NOT HER!
8) go through a dudes phone if you aint in a relationship with them? You are not in a position to say or do shit so back back.
9) give up the goods on the first date, but claim they want a "good" man? I mean, there have been relationships that have lasted for a while even after a first date sex-capade, but its rare- dont think you will be part of those few.
10) not define your status with dude, but then get mad if he talkin or sleepin with other females? You may believe you guys are at one level, and he may think you guys are at another. Dont assume just because you guys kick it all the time and have sex on the regular, mean you in a relationship. Its YOUR job to define what it is if you are really wanting it to go to another level.
11) try to glue or sew hair in, go to the nail shop to put on fake nails, dust off they best girdle, put on they favorite make-me-look-like-I-got-D's-when-Im-only-a-B push up bra, fake eyelashes and cake makeup all on they face, but want a dude to love them for them!
12) assume what a man likes sexually? All men are different, hence, they like different things. Dont go in there with yo old-boyfriend preferences and think its gon just automatically fly with the next dude.
13) ask questions they aint ready to hear the answer to? "Did you sleep with her?", "yes". If you aint ready to hear the answer and ready to accept and deal with everything it brings DONT ASK IT!! Im telling you, you want a man to tell you the truth- NEWS ALERT: SOMETIMES THE TRUTH HURTS OR ISNT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR! Take a step back before you ask, look at all possible answers to this question, if you can handle each one then go ahead and ask.
14) claim they independent but want a man with money, a job, a car, his own place, a bomb bank account, ect- but not because you want him to be on your level, but because you still livin at home with your mama? I am not knockin if you stayin with your parents, I recently moved back in with mine so dont get me wrong. What I am saying is, dont pursue someone who may not be on your level, below it nor above it. Below it is just going to make you think he aint shit, above it is going to make you insecure (if you are a REAL woman) that you are living up to his standards.
15) go over a dude house at one in the morning (that aint your man, you can do different things when you got one) at one in the morning and get appalled if he want sex? GIRL, its universal! After 11, you are a BOOTY CALL!! Now-a-days it may even be before then..
