because all opinions are not created equal

I finally got around to reading my new Cosmo, the August edition with Katy Perry on the front, when I began reading an interesting article that was written inside. It was entitled "4 Words that Cheatproof His Love" ("you are so hot") by Korin Miller. I decided to glance over it because, lets face it, men have been known to have a difficult time being faithful in a relationship. I actually agreed with her on some key points:

• " 'You are so hot' taps in to a deep-seated insecurity for many men and offers them the reassurance they're yearning for"-- I have always felt that men, even those with the best intentions, have a weakness for an attractive woman coming on to them (just like women do with men). Women tend to forget the power of being physically desired by someone else because we can go down the street and be offered sex 8 times. Men dont usually get this because society has taught them to be the aggressor, and women have fallen into this routine too. We dont feel its our "place" to chase a man so we dont. But when another woman begins chasing a man, that makes them feel desired, the attention is addicting and only amplified in a long-term, beginning to get boring and routine relationship.

• "Some men 'are so starved for validation'- if you say 'you are so hot' you've got 'em" - although men call us the weaker sex, they are by FAR weaker than women are. I always say that its harder for US not to cheat because we are being pressed CONSTANTLY for sex or what-not. Men, you have to actually go UP to the girl (ok, some guys are constantly being hit on but I am talking about the majority of the population that isnt) and bring up a convo, get aroused THEN try and use the excuse you were just ooooooo so tempted. PLEASE. Men want that ego-stroke too, just like women want to feel attractive to the opposite sex. Why else would we have tons of makeup, body enhancing (or de-hancing lol) products, sexy clothes, high heels- everything geared to attracting men.

• " 'In a long-term relationship, if you want to keep passion alive, you have to keep the sexy compliments coming'...and by letting him know you want him, he'll be less likely to fall for it if some skank tries the same tactic"

This last one is the one that finally got me snapped out of my one-sided mentality and wake up to the reality that is staring me in the face. Although I agreed with the article, why is it that women have to try and cheatproof their relationship? Why is it that we have to keep the MAN from straying? Who says we haven't thought about it once or twice?

(OK DISCLAIMER TIME: baby, I am NOT thinking about cheating on you sweetie, this is just somethings that are coming from my opinion. I love you so much!-- sorry, my man reads my blog so I dont want him thinking im trying to say something. lol)

I went and typed "Cheat proof relationships" into Google just to make sure I was not being crazy and like I expected, most to all of the articles were geared to women cheatproofing their relationship or it openly tried to address both genders of a relationship. But when they addressed both sexes, in the little footnotes where you can see related articles, they tended to say " 12 signs he's cheating on you, How to catch a cheating boyfriend, Is he the one, How to forgive him after cheating" BUUTT I thought we were trying not to be bias. Our society has shifted the minds of women to think that men are the only ones capable of being unfaithful (I use this very loosely because we ALL know women cheat too). Almost every article or (when I was looking for a pic to go with this blog) picture was saying/showing the man cheating. Then we run around trying to find ways to make sure our men dont stray from us.

I love how they are trying to help women, but why arent they trying to change the man? Why are there no tips and tricks for him to use to keep US happy and from straying? No, they want us to run to the MAC stores and Victoria Secret all in hopes that he wont turn another eye. Newsflash- HE IS STILL GOING TO LOOK SWEETIE! Im sorry, but its the truth. I cant stand that we have been so brainwashed into thinking that there are things we can do to keep him from cheating. NOTHING we do can keep a man from cheating if he has already decided in his mind and heart that he is going to do it. It has to come from HIM wanting to do the right thing and HIM having the self-control to say no to tempting situations. All we can do is love and respect that man, if he doesnt appreciate this or appreciates it and still wants to be with other women too, then that is HIS problem. NOT YOURS

I digress from that because that was my little sidebar that I feel needed to be said. My whole point of this post was to maybe get some answers to the question, why dont men get these tips? I would think men writers and editors would put out some more tips for men to keep their women satisfied. Especially since we are approached more, more outwardly desired and, lets face it, ARENT DEAD. We see other attractive men when going out, we like attention, we love to hear "you are so hot". Why is it assumed that we just do not have the propensity to cheat? Why is it assumed by men that we wont turn an eye to the fine guy at the bar offering us a drink? Are we so much stronger than men when dealing with temptation that they feel that we wont go over and accept that drink? My whole opinion is this: we want to be cherished too. I want to find just ONE article that is written by a man geared toward other men to help them with their relationships. I just want ONE! I mean, I am in a great relationship with a man I love very much and I know he loves me (not that there arent things we dont need to work on), but i get approached by other men on a daily basis. Where are the articles out there trying to get him to cheatproof our relationship? Why is it posed to rest on ME to make sure HE doesnt stray? Why is it that the woman has to worry about weight, hair, makeup, clothes- her overall appearance in hopes to keep her man happy while still working a full time job with kids? And when his six-pack has turned into a keg...

I feel that we need to wake up and realize that there are two people in a relationship. Two people who have the full capability of something called self-control. Two people, also, with the ability to lose it. I just want women to stop reading these stupid advice tips and love your man with all you've got. That is ALL you can do, if he doesnt respect it then you know what you have to do. I got so sick of checking emails, texts, myspace, phone records and just let it go. I resolved in myself that I can only love him the best I can and if decides my best isn't good enough to be faithful to them F' it and Im moving on. Just realizing that released so much stress and pressure of trying to "make" him stay faithful to me. I stopped and by then I could focus on genuinely trying to make myself and our relationship better. By genuinely I mean that I was no longer trying to be nice or not have an attitude before he went out so that he wouldnt be tempted to cheat, I was doing it because I need to work on it point-blank. The fact of the matter is that guys usually cheat for sex, women cheat because they are missing that emotional connection that they lost with their man. With this being known, I would think that their would be more geared toward men trying to keep their women happy and satisfied. But the reality of it is that their isnt. It is sad, but its reality. So I am here to say that you need to communicate with your man about what you want in order to keep YOU faithful, keep YOU from being tempted. If he chooses not to listen then dust off your freak-um dress and find someone who will.

I was watching this True Life episode (yes, that is my show- i love documentaries- and NOT just MTV ones, real ones too) which was about these people who were bisexual and wanted relationships with both a man and a woman at the same time. You guys may have seen it, it was the one with A.D in it from "From G's to Gents". Well, one girl took the cake in my opinion. She was married while dating this other chick. Her husband divorced her because he probably couldn't handle the thought of her being with another woman while he was off in the military. Well, she made a statement that went something like, "the next man I date will have to accept me being with another woman". This is where I began to think about open relationships. I began to wonder why people engaged in them and what emotional toll it could take on someone.

I have never and will never be a fan of open relationships but there are many people who are. Some say that they are perfectly capable of handling their significant other being with someone else. When most people think of these "relationships", the first thing that comes to their mind is, "how can you let your man/woman sleep with someone else and you know about it?" I dont blame them because this is the way I looked at it. But then comes the reality that there is not only sexual aspects of this relationship but emotional ones too. Im NOT talking about relationships where your man or woman is cheatin on you and you either dont know about it or know about it and are praying she/he stops. Im talkin about relationships where you KNOW of this person and it is ok with you. Is the emotional relationship any worse or less worse than the sexual one?

Why do we define cheating as soley the sexual connection that took place. In my opinion, I believe that an emotional one is much worse than a sexual one. A sexual one is based off that, just sex. And while this is still a big thing, imagine if feelings were involved? This is where the line is completely crossed. When there is just sex, then it can get boring or it can get lead to the person realizing their heart is with their actual spouse. When someone develops feelings for someone then that is where it can get dangerous because that emotional connection is stronger than anything. This is where that person wants to be with that person, spend time outside of sex with that person, thinks about leaving YOU for that person. An emotional affair is just and sometimes even more painful than a physical one.But some may think otherwise.

So what happens when these emotional connections become intertwined in a 3-way relationship? I find it hard to believe that someone will not get jealous or love is never divulged towards one more than the other. How is it that people can be ok with someone they love being emotionally tied to someone while being sexually satisfied with that person as well? I mean, we are jealous by nature. Its hard to deny that. I mean, take it like this: what do you do or how do you feel when you are at a beach and your significant other does a prolonged glance at someone else (OF THE SAME SEX--for you smart-a**es lol)? Now imagine them kissing and touching and laughing and spending time together in and outside of the bedroom. Now, imagine you being aware of this and sometimes in the picture when they are engaged in this behavior. Can you handle that?

Many would see this as cheating, but is it? Is it only cheating if you are not aware of the infidelity? Or is it still not cheating if you are ok with it? I mean, this is where cheating becomes tricky because there are different opinions and situations (which i will touch on in other posts) where some may think it was cheating and others may not. I can not understand how some people can be ok with allowing someone they love to be with someone else. I know that everyone is different and all that but it is almost like saying that you are not worthy enough to have all of that person. You are not, solely, good enough for that person to give their whole heart to. You are not enough for that person to want to be with for the rest of their lives. And you are ok with this. That seems backwards to me. I feel these people are manipulating those who are weak minded and desperate for some sort of love and affection that they will take it at any costs. They want to have their fun and sleep with other people, basically have their cake and eat it too, and want you to be perfectly ok with it. That, to me, is so selfish and hurtful to the person they are claiming to love. I dont believe that there is a "the one", I believe that you maneuver in and out of relationships in life and you are genuinely in love with some of those people. However, I do not believe that you can truly be in-love (NOTE: im not sayin LOVE, im saying IN-LOVE..there is a difference) someone and be open to having emotional and sexual ties to someone else.

So, is this cheating?

"I do not have to carry the race with my interactions with white women; with black women, you are representing the whole race and gender of black men. You deal with the baggage of every black girls life. And you're just not trying to hear all that. I dont want to deal with how black men are always cheating and leaving some black woman for a white woman. I do not need to hear about how some black men is always skipping out on his responsibilities. I do not need to hear about how black women have carried the race for so long, that its times that black men stepped up to the plate. I dont need to hear black men aint shit.... Latin women cook for you..black woomen say "I aint your mother"....White women will chill at the house when you're broke, black women will tell you the second you decline "How come we dont ever go anywhere?"....If the large majority of you are one way, you need to huddle with your people about what the majority voice before coming to me claiming to be the exception"...

This was a post by a guest blogger on another site so Im not goin to put the link and make it look like that site is whats wrong. I was NOT going to touch on the white woman v black woman topic because its been dealt with so much and I am about bridging the gap instead of further dividing it. HOWEVER!!! My blood was BOILING after I read this post by one of the most ignorant, self-absorbed, lazy excuse for a black man I have ever seen. Let me put this out in the atmosphere before I get started. I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS!! I know I just posted about black men preferring white women, but that was to address hypocritical statements they made.I am choosing to do this because I am just pissed and its my blog so I can talk about whatever I want! And because I feel that you can prefer what you prefer but when you try and tear down a whole group of people to try and justify why you choose to go with a group of people. And yes, it is a CHOICE and why I feel its a CHOICE is because you could jus as easily have dealt with black women but you were to consumed with doing your own thing.

Another reason it is a CHOICE is because we, black women, CHOOSE to stay and try to hang on to what is left of the black male population. It is funny how black men, EVERY SINGLE LAST ONE OF THEM THAT I'VE HAD THIS DISCUSSION WITH, can only address black women's "attitude" when trying to justify why they move on to other races. THE ONLY REASON! I have not heard anything different and Im not lying. What is the real kicker is that black women will still hang on to black men despite of way worse situations.
STATS:

• Nationally 1.9 million (only a quarter of the population) of black men between 18 and 24 attended college in 2000--> Graduation rate of black men is lowest of any population
• In 1999- 25% more black men in jail than enrolled in higher education; today 41% of inmates! Black men make up only 4% of all American students in college
• Black men are 5 times more likely to die of HIV/AIDS (136.8 black men have HIV, 60.6 of black women; 81.3 of black males have AIDS, 39.8% of black women) (avert.org)
• In 2000- 65% of black male high school dropouts in their 20s were jobless- unable to find job, not seeking one or incarcerated; 2004-71%! (helpstartsphere.org)
• In 2003, 64.1% of black men without job- come on we are in a recession now, sooo how many you think are out of one now?
• President Obama- "Many black men simply cannot affort to raise a family...And sadly too many made the choice not to"--AND A SINGLE MOTHER CAN AFFORD TO?? 7 out of 10 African American children are raised in a single mother home

These stats was to justify my point that black men have SO much going against them in life. They have so many obstacles to overcome, and because of the color of their skin they are born with a disadvantage in the world. BUT black women STILL hold on to the faith that there is something in him, we do not turn our backs on black men. But they are so quick to turn on us? Because of our "attitudes"? I think some black men are just WEAK! They dont wanna be told what they need to do so all of a sudden we have attitudes and nag all the time. WOW! Based on these statistics, why do black women stay with black men? Why dont we just move on to white men because they excel across the board in comparison to black men? We DONT, we STAY! We dont GIVE UP! That is what makes me even more upset when black men like the one above makes statements like that. And I will point out the hypocricies and where he was just a plum idiot..

"I do not have to carry the race with my interactions with white women; with black women, you are representing the whole race and gender of black men. You deal with the baggage of every black girls life" - Excuse me but I do not expect any black man to carry the whole race! Thats ridiculous. How many times have I said all men (despite race) are not the same? I expect you to exceed above the others in your race and show that despite the obstacles a black man can achieve something in life. He can be called to a higher position in this world (Barack Obama?? And he has a BLACK woman at his side!! )

"I dont want to deal with how black men are always cheating and leaving some black woman for a white woman."-This is just hypocritical!! I mean, isnt that what you JUST said you were doing? Leaving black women for a white one? COME ON!! Love is love. You can fall in it and out of it with a woman from any race. Black love is not beautiful. White love is not beautiful. LOVE itself is beautiful.

"I do not need to hear about how some black men is always skipping out on his responsibilities.I do not need to hear about how black women have carried the race for so long, that its times that black men stepped up to the plate."- They are! Im sorry, just look at the facts! NO, you were too busy trying to prove a point with no statistics or facts to see that black families are the highest proportion of any race to have the father absent from the home. Black men are the highest group to be unemployed. So how is it wrong to point out the truth? I mean, you guys are always trying to "keep it real" but you cant even keep it real with yourselves.

Latin women cook for you..black woomen say "I aint your mother"....White women will chill at the house when you're broke, black women will tell you the second you decline "How come we dont ever go anywhere?".... THIS WAS LAUGHABLE!! So you wanna stay broke and have a woman take care of you? So, if this isnt a man wanting a woman to be his mother I dont know what is! Has he ever taken the time to step back and see where HE is wrong and that it may just be the black women HE chooses? My mother STAYED in the kitchen for my father, my grandmother still STAYS in the kitchen for my grandfather so how are you going to make such a one-sided, only-based-on-your-experience statement and try to pass it off as fact. Why would you just WANT to be broke? And believe me, if you seen the stats for white women and the black men they date, they are usually the C.E.O's and athletes so get your facts straight.

"If the large majority of you are one way, you need to huddle with your people about what the majority voice before coming to me claiming to be the exception"- HYPOCRITE!!! How are you going to tell us that we are all acting the same and that is why you are trying to include "all black women", but you are claimin to be the exception to all black men? As the statistics STATE, a large portion to majority of black men are in jail, uneducated, unemployed and infected with HIV/AIDS. SOOOOOO... we are not supposed to classify you as "aint bein shit" even if the large majority of you are that way?? Maybe YOU need to huddle up with YOUR black brothas and forge a "get-my-shit-together-" plan and maybe, just MAYBE, you guys wont have to deal with black women trying to lead you into getting your stuff together.

*IF YOU WERE LOOKING FOR AN UPLIFTING PROVERB TO THE BLACK MAN, IT AINT HAPPENIN RIGHT NOW!! I AM ENGAGED TO A BLACK MAN WHO DOES NOT FIT ANY OF THOSE ABOVE STATS SO I KNOW IT CAN BE DONE! SO THERE IS A TID-BIT OF INFO BEFORE YOU CLAIM IM A 'BITTER, LONELY' BLACK WOMAN, CUZ IM NOT! I LOVE BLACK MEN AND WILL NEVER GIVE UP ON THEM, BUT I AM SOMEONE WHO IS VERY OPEN TO DATING OTHER RACES *

I have always wondered what made people cheat. I mean, not someone who does it once and never does it again, but those who seem to be "repeat offenders". What causes them to feel that they just need to dip out on their significant other and pursue someone that they may not even want to deal with outside of sex. Why mess up something that is going good for a few minutes, or hours, of sex? This led me to pose the question, can people be pushed to cheat? Are there certain situations in which someone may get a "pass" if they gotcaught up?


I have had this convo with others and myself (dont laugh, i do think to myself!). Some believe that there is NO excuse to cheat, its wrong and they use the oh-so-famous "once a cheater, always a cheater" (which is a WHOLE other post because I couldn't disagree more). Others believe that there are some times when people are pushed into the arms of others because they dont have that "something good". I believe that there are times when you feel so compelled to run to something or someone else because you can feel so irritated, frustrated, unappreciated, emotionally drained by the person you are with that ANYTHING looks better. However, I believe that these are the times that you should grow close to your mate. These are the times when communication is so crucial because the other may truly not feel things are that bad. These are the times when your man or woman needs to know how you feel and what you are planning to do and they need to show you that you ARE important to them and then that is when working on the relationship comes into place.


I am very objective in everything. I can see both sides of an argument before they are even presented so I can see those who say that there is no excuse for cheating. They feel that why cheat? Why not break up? Which leads me to pose another question, why don't they leave? Especially the "repeat offenders". Those who use the reason that they were driven to cheat by nagging or feeling lonely or feeling detached or unappreciative, blah blah blah, why do you stay with that person? Something is drawing you back or drawing you to stay. Whether it be that you really care for that person or you are using them (lets keep it real, it does happen)for a place to stay or be "taken care of".


On the other hand of my objectivity, is there a "get out of jail free" card in regards to cheating? Bad sex, nagging, boredom, ect.? Are there times when we can "understand" when someone runs to the arms of someone else. I mean, dont look at it just as men cheating on their women, women cheat too! If your girl said her man is not paying her any attention and they barely talk, does she get a "pass" to jump in the bed with someone else? If your boy says his girl complains constantly, always got an attitude, dont take care of herself anymore, does he have a "get out of cheater jail" pass?


This leads to the 80/20 rule, do you think it really exists? Should we really just ignore that 20 or deal with it because the 80 is so great? What if the 80 is that they have a job, money, house, loves jesus, takes care of you, supports and loves your family, very bright, articulate, well-dressed, extremely attractive, but the 20 is they are constantly lying and cheating on you? Are you supposed to deal with that 20 to compensate for the 80? I personally do not believe in the 80/20 rule, I believe there is only 60% of a person you like, 20% you can deal with, and the last 20% causes you to be tempted to stray.But that is just me

But you speak on it..

Ladies, do NOT think I was just goin to let you off the hook. Same goes for the men, this is a very loose, very broad generalization of females that I have came in contact with, been acquaintances with or befriended. I am in no way talking about ALL females when i say women, ok? I dont like men grouping us into one category so I will not do the same.




Why do women:

1) hate on other females? You know women do. I mean, I have seen girls walk into a room (ive walked into a few myself) and just had the most hateful glares from other females. She did NOTHING!! What is so wrong with another female being pretty or prettier than you?



2) dress up in the most provacative clothes, I mean half-naked, and wonder why you they attract all these one-nighters? I know men cannot judge you by what you wear, but reality has shown us people DO judge a book by its cover.

3) call their man when he is out with his boys? LEAVE HIM ALONE!! My god, at least he aint out cheatin on you. And if you calling to make sure of that you really need to re-evaluate why you are in that relationship

4) bring up they weight all the time?? O lord! Go to the gym or shut the f**k up!

5) continually get advice on they relationship from their single, lonely, bitter friends??

6) go through they dudes phone and try to call the girls in it? The reason I say this is because I've had some girls callin me about they dude- NOT CUTE BOO!?! Check your man

7) still only blame the female if they man cheatin with her? Unless she KNEW about you, then you have no reason to attack that girl..that is YOUR man, YOU are in a relationship with HIM, NOT HER!

8) go through a dudes phone if you aint in a relationship with them? You are not in a position to say or do shit so back back.

9) give up the goods on the first date, but claim they want a "good" man? I mean, there have been relationships that have lasted for a while even after a first date sex-capade, but its rare- dont think you will be part of those few.

10) not define your status with dude, but then get mad if he talkin or sleepin with other females? You may believe you guys are at one level, and he may think you guys are at another. Dont assume just because you guys kick it all the time and have sex on the regular, mean you in a relationship. Its YOUR job to define what it is if you are really wanting it to go to another level.

11) try to glue or sew hair in, go to the nail shop to put on fake nails, dust off they best girdle, put on they favorite make-me-look-like-I-got-D's-when-Im-only-a-B push up bra, fake eyelashes and cake makeup all on they face, but want a dude to love them for them!

12) assume what a man likes sexually? All men are different, hence, they like different things. Dont go in there with yo old-boyfriend preferences and think its gon just automatically fly with the next dude.

13) ask questions they aint ready to hear the answer to? "Did you sleep with her?", "yes". If you aint ready to hear the answer and ready to accept and deal with everything it brings DONT ASK IT!! Im telling you, you want a man to tell you the truth- NEWS ALERT: SOMETIMES THE TRUTH HURTS OR ISNT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR! Take a step back before you ask, look at all possible answers to this question, if you can handle each one then go ahead and ask.

14) claim they independent but want a man with money, a job, a car, his own place, a bomb bank account, ect- but not because you want him to be on your level, but because you still livin at home with your mama? I am not knockin if you stayin with your parents, I recently moved back in with mine so dont get me wrong. What I am saying is, dont pursue someone who may not be on your level, below it nor above it. Below it is just going to make you think he aint shit, above it is going to make you insecure (if you are a REAL woman) that you are living up to his standards.

15) go over a dude house at one in the morning (that aint your man, you can do different things when you got one) at one in the morning and get appalled if he want sex? GIRL, its universal! After 11, you are a BOOTY CALL!! Now-a-days it may even be before then..

First and foremost I am making this clear I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT ALL MEN!! OK, i try not to group all men into one category because 1) I dont feel all men are the same (and if you do,you havent been with a lot or just keep messin with the same ones) and 2) I do not like being grouped into categories with the rest of the female species.. ok, once again, NOT talking about all men. It is a very loose, very broad generalization. These are just things I have observed in my journey of dealing with men (and boys). It is not even all about the guys I've talked to, but guy friends as well. Ok, if you feel none of this relates to you, then pat yourself on the back and keep at it..

WHY:
1) cant men tell the truth? I mean you guys sometimes lie about the most minuscule things. But wanna talk about how you "keep it real"

2) do men categorize women into one group to sum up only the women they've dated? Just like I said men are not all the same, neither are women

3) do men hide the fact they are in a relationship? I mean, why do you feel the need to purposely NOT disclose the fact that you got a girl? Is it because you are hoping to get with chick you just met or befriended?

4) look at another girl as she walks by but then lie to us when we catch you? WE SEEN YOU!! that is why we brought it up

5) do men want they women to look like the video chicks (i aint gon lie, they bad) but they body aint shit? They stomach lookin like a deflated airbag but want they women to be a size 2

6) do men want head before EACH sexual encounter (not that there is anything wrong with that) but our stuff gotta be look a certain way, shaved, waxed, smell a certain way, have a certain texture before you even CONSIDER headin down south?

7) do men live and die by the double standard?

8) will he cheat on they girl and expect her to get over it or move on, but let her cheat on them.. all hell will break lose!

9)do men complain about women but the only ones you go after are the ones you wanna tap that first night- or shortly after? You cant expect to find a diamond in the mud boo.

10) do men want a girl who got some bomb sex techniques, but secretly wonder if she a ho? I mean, come on she got that way SOME HOW

11) do men want to know our "number" but then turn around and get mad when you hear it?

12) can men live with a woman, pay bills with her, have kids with her but think that they aint quite ready for marriage?? I will NEVER understand this, knowing some people who really live like this and still aint married.. smh

13) do men get mad if they buy a girl a drink, then she just walk off with it? We didnt ask for it..didnt you offer it? I didnt know drinks came with a obligatory phone number

14) do men want a "good" woman after they done sowin they wild oats and "playin the field"? You just want her waiting with open arms when YOU ready to settle down (but I lightweight understand that if you aint ready, you aint ready)

15) *speaking of that* why do men stay with a girl for 3 years then decide he aint ready for a relationship?

16) do men think girls are automatically emotionally attached after havin sex with them? Ummm... im not even goin to bust myself out

17) Only want a girl after another man does? Yes, no one wants someone that no one else desires, but dont get mad if he snatch her up because he could recognize what he had in the first place

18) do men think sextin aint cheatin? I mean, I can see how they can but I am a firm believer that you shouldnt play with fire. I believe that cheatin starts in the mind when you truly start lustin after someone because you will act on it.

i just finished my other blog post and I just kept thinking and thinkin to the question I posed and what I wrote, it led me to wonder about sex on the first date or one-night stand situations. It made me rember this--

I was listening to this guy on youtube (he has a whole youtube series..this was a while back so I cant remember his name at all, but ask my bf, he knows..i went OFF because of his post) and he was basically laying out the idea that men lose respect for a woman if she gives it up after the first date. He goes on to talk about how men cannot respect these women because if she gave it up to "him" that fast, she must have gave it up to others just as quickly. I was hot, I mean blood-boiling hot, not because I am a frequent give-it-up-after-the-first-date participater or anything but it just completely STUMPED me to how guys think the way they do. But I know this sounds a little one-sided but I am asking for guys opinions too.


My thing is, why is that a guy can have sex with a girl on the first date and feel that she is the only ho' in the room? I dont understand. I can completely get the logic of men thinking that he was not the only one she may have gave it up to that quickly. My thing is that why is she the only one labeled? I know its about the double standard so dont even come at me with that. We have to seriously look at the message we are sending by saying that "o its just the way the world works", if you think she a ho', OK!! I am NOT captain save a ho so I could care less. But what I am saying is, refer to yourself as one too. By no means am I a feminist because deep inside I swear I am emotional man. I just dont like the double standard in any situation. GUYS, if you are reading, PLEASE dont think I am attacking you because I am not. I am just trying to figure things out. I mean, a lot of guys say they cant respect a girl if she gives it up on the first date, but if we implement the 30 or 90 day rule,you guys cant wait that long. IM CONFUSED!!! I really am so i would LOVE for a guy to break it down for us.


And do some guys ever stop to think that thats all WE want? Maybe we want the dinner, some good sex and to be left alone! Does it depend on her readily wanting the sex that makes her a ho? Or is it the fact that she may not have wanted it in the first place but since you askin her she will do it, that makes her a ho?? I have been in some "brief" (but NOT one night stands, or sex on the first date- havent done that)encounters with guys(friends, acquaintances, people I have been talkin to) and if I feel that it is not really going to be more than that, sure we can do the business because I mean, you're not going to call afterwards, right? Or am I wrong? Am I looking at this in a completely screwed sense with the emotions of a woman, but sometimes very manly mindset? Maybe that is why I am so mixed up.


But my question is: Does sex on the first date automatically make the girl, or guy (im tryin not to discriminate), a ho? Does it depend on the circumstance?