because all opinions are not created equal

Hello Blogosphere

I have gained a few more followers since I have left and it is surprising since I have not updated my blog in such a long time.. I have been thinking about really trying to start this thing back up since I feel I have so much to say ALLLLLL the time!! Hummmm... I was just wondering what you guys thought?? Start it back up or just wave bye to the past??

SORRY I havent posted in a while..I dont know why I havent, I just havent. But I am back and in FULL effect. How has everybody been doing? Well, I am just goin to jump into to it. I ran across a saying that was mentioned on one of my favorite gossip sites (necolebitchie.com) and when I read it, I realized I had heard it before. It went:



"All Relationships are open, women just dont know about it"



Well, I have heard this expression, expressed in a different form, but sent the message just as clearly. What got me about this is that some men really do think like this and the problem is that some women just dont know about it. By this I mean, that some women really get into relationships with men that believe that this is the way to be and dont know it. I feel sorry for them because this relationship will never last. And what is even more sad is that these men are the reasons that it wont, yet they are still stringing these women on as though nothing is wrong with this pattern of thinking.



But the thing that gets me is that men wonder why we have so much resentment towards them sometimes. You go around with the mentality that you will cheat when the opportunity presents itself but then want to say whats wrong with women!?!? This is what is wrong, you are wasting someones TIME, time they will never get back. I always say that I wouldnt care if I broke up with someone and couldnt get the money invested in the relationship back, lost some friends/acquaintances over it, lost sleep because of the arguing, none of that mattered in comparison to the TIME I lost over someone who never was in it for the long haul. Do not get me wrong, I am not talking about those who may have cheated and felt remorseful, that can work if the two people really want it to. What I am talking about is those men who feel that whatever new piece of meat is out there, it is available for the taking.



My question to those men are: WHY DO YOU GET IN A RELATIONSHIP? I have always asked men this question who have been known to "stray" more than a couple times. No one has given me a reason that has really captured me in order to say, "MAN, I get it now". NOPE, NOT ONE! I mean, if you want to play the field, not be tied down, not ready for a relationship, want to be able to be free to do whatever you please THAT IS FINE! But why do you drag someone into your mess? Why even be in a relationship with this woman who is trying to give you her all if you are not even giving a fraction? You may pay some bills, go to work, buy her some stuff, but do you think that is all it takes for a woman to be happy and feel secure? That does work for some women and I suggest you find that one and be with her so you can cheat on her all you want as long as you keep them bills paid.



Most women do not want or care for this lifestyle. I am just baffled at times by the number of guys that are in relationships but will be quick to jump on the next piece of ass that passes by. WHY DO YOU GET IN A RELATIONSHIP?!! Why bring this women into a false hope that you are the one when she is just the one-for-right-now to you? I am not putting down those men who want to be man-whores and go spread their seed around the general population. If that is what you choose to do with your life then that is fine with me, but I suggest you do it alone. Men often want to blame a woman for being "crazy" when he tries to break up with her. Here is a newsflash: Its because you wasted her TIME! By that I mean that the anger is not only built up from what was done, but also because she looks at the time invested into this man that ended up not being the right one for her. Men often can go around and say that they will settle down when they are older, when they are ready for a serious relationship. Women are almost biologically built with this inner time clock, we dont have TIME to try and wait for you to "be ready". So when we feel that you have wasted our time that could have been with someone who WAS ready, it enrages us.



I wish all men would just be like "I am not ready for a relationship, but we can try and get to know one another"..or something of that nature. I know that there are men who tell a woman up front that they are not looking for something serious and the woman still gets involved with this guy. THIS IS FOR WOMEN: WHY DO YOU GET INVOLVED WITH THIS GUY? I know why, there are two reasons: 1) You think that if you sleep with him and hang out with him, he will eventually try to turn around and realize that you are the one, or 2) You think that you are strong enough to handle this type of relationship. Im telling you now that both scenarios dont work. They dont, sorry. So if a guy tells you that he is not looking for a relationship, dont get upset if he is seeing other people! Sorry, you cant. At least he was man enough to tell you and not try to talk the noise in order to get you and dont mean a lick of any of it.



The point of this post was to try and address an issue that goes on and does not need to be. If you are not ready for a relationship then dont be with someone. And if you are in one, you need to know that if this person you are trying to cheat with is worth ruining the relationship you are in, then you dont need to be with the person you're with. Point blank. When men start realizing that their opinions on cheating and being unfaithful is flawed, then maybe you may start seeing a change in women. think about it.

What was originally meant by the statement was that black men are not respecting the black women as I believe they should (but to be honest some black women are not helping them to). That statement was to basically bring forth an issue that is rising right under the black man's nose rather he wants to believe it or not. Though statistics show that it is not prevailing as high as black man/white woman relationships, but black woman/white man relationships are climbing. However, of course this turned into a whole different thing, as this touchy subject usually does.

I was having a twitter-convo with HellNawShawty and he basically said that he loved black women but their attitude was much sharper than those of other ethnicities. He told me not to give up on black men. I preceded to tell him that I am with a black man, so all hope is not lost. I also revealed all the statistics that keep black men under-respected by society such as: low population in higher education, higher population in jail, higher unemployment rate, lower credit ratings, harder to be promoted in a job than a white man and so on. BUT WE STILL STAYED WITH BLACK MEN. However, they were so quick to turn their back on us for a white or other ethnicity of woman as they pulled the "attitude" card. Thats all they have. He had a point for sure but what I was trying to bring to light is that although black women have held faith with the black men, we are TIRED of being there for men with so many odds stacked against them from birth, then they turn around and have no problem of giving up on us at the first sign of an "attitude". Kanye famously said:

There are things that i just don't get. People want to walk around feeling that they are somehow entitled to respect. I get both sides of the argument: you have to give it to get it, and you have to earn it. Which one is it? I mean, do i have to show you respect in order to receive some back? Or do i have to show you that I am worthy of your respect? HUMMM..?? The reason I propose this is by the fact that I was reading another's blog- i dont post where i find my "inspiration" from (but if you want it, i will give it to you). This "lady" and I use that term loosely was basically stating how great the sex was from a married man she was seeing. What sexual positions got the best rise out of him and what she was "not" going to do with him on the plane because "there were some things that she was going to save for [her] 1st husband". I read through the post and felt a deep sense of sadness for her because its like, are you not worthy of being someones one and only? And what made me think even harder was the time she is wasting with someone that will never be hers...If he hasn't left his wife yet for you, why do you think that he is going to just because you are giving him what he wants- a piece of ass that is different from his wife's.


Women go around and blame the men for not being faithful and being lyin, cheating dogs but look at this. Women are going around knowingly sleeping and forming some kind of relationship with men that are supposed to be off limits to them. Where is the respect? Not only for yourself but his wife? Why doesn't this man's wife automatically, as another woman, get the respect from other women to back off! He is taken. No, no, no. Women even glamorize being able to "steal ya man" without any respect for themselves or the other female. There is a lack of respect amongst women now. They look at another woman as purely competition, not only for the man but for a job, looks, style, desirability, attention, and the list goes on. We do not respect one another, so how do we expect men to?


To sit there and sleep with an "off limits" man and carry on this relationship is to some women, i believe, not only selfish or lack of respect, a way to solidify that they have won this invisible competition. They know now that they have one-up'd you in an area that will leave you feeling insecure and broken. I truly do. Then want to go around claiming that men are all dogs. LADIES! WE MAKE THEM THIS WAY!! I know that some lie, and I am not talking about women who get played by men who make them truly believe they are the only one (yes, you got played). The portion I am talking about is a very large and growing population who thrive on the ability to take or grab the attention of a "off-the-market" man (which, if we wanna be honest, its not that hard- men are visual creatures). They mess around with guys that already have girls, then wanna use the excuse of "well, if she was handlin it right..", or "im not the one in a relationship with him..." and other BULL that does not free you from bein triflin'. They will never realize that they were just the side piece, you were never good enough to GET him. WOMEN, when will we realize that we are the reason men cheat (again, not talking bout men who try and play women)? Everytime you KNOW he has a girl and still mess with him, then you are just contributing to the stereotype that men are dogs. Really. think about it. I AM NOT LETTING MEN OFF THE HOOK, but i am TIRED of all these females talkin about men, when some of them have messed with a dude KNOWIN he had a girl! Ok, so is he worse off then you? In your opinion no because "you weren't the one in a relationship with him..". If we take the time to back off and just RESPECT another woman and her relationship, not saying it would completely change things, but it could make this a little better. You wouldnt cheat with your best friend man, would you (if you would, then that is a WHOLE different post)? So, why would you do it to another woman- the fact that you dont KNOW her or respect her...it all comes back.



The point of this post was to address an issue that is very present but we are so blind to the fact that we can change this to a certain extent if we just respect others. I am really tired of having females complain about how there are no good men left, but they steadily sleeping with someone man. Now, how does that make sense? We need to start realizing that there are just as few good WOMEN left. It takes two to cheat. If she doesn't know, then that is a different story. But if he has a baby seat in the back of his car, wont let you come to his house or meet his family, then some red flags should go up. If you are unwilling to investigate it, in my opinion that is the same as knowing and not caring.





-mizz_eboni

I picked up my monthly issue of Marie Claire the other day. I read them not for the articles or the beauty tips, more so to study the fashion layouts they have in there. I was skimming through the pages and landed on a article entitled: "What kind of mother leaves their kids". I immediately flipped through the entire article and here are just a couple of the statements that stood out for me:

Elle Hull, 39, from London said: "It was hard not to be resentful. My ex had taken a great deal of time after our divorce to get back on his feet. Here I was, eking by because the girls needed me"

Rebekah Spicuglia, 30, from New York said: "Plus-though admitting it startled her- she craved the freedom. 'This is the part that's so hard to talk about. But secretly, inside, it was the most exciting thing. If he was living with his father, I would be free to do what I wanted to do,"

Both ladies decided to give up parental custody to the children's fathers. Elle because of financial hardships and Rebekah because of school reasons. At first I thought they were just being selfish, hard, cold and unwilling to participate in the responsibilities that they had a part in.

However, I got to thinking, why is it strange when a mother wants to live her own life? Why is it treated like a catastrophe when a mother wants the father to share in the tasks that she has to? The father gets to decide that he may not want to be in a relationship with the mother any longer and that is ok. But my thing is the fact that people dont chastise him for it. Its almost like a social NORM now. Yes, if he is not paying child support then that is when people begin to shun him. But if he is sending his scheduled payments to the mother, it seems that he is off the hook. I dont understand that. I feel that society is bondaging women to their children and making them feel like social paranas if they decide that this is not the life for them, but dont attack the man even half as much.

I understand the above comments may seem selfish but this is the way that men think ALL the time. I mean, why is it that when women do they are said to not love their kids or be selfish. I take this to heart personally because I feel that people have viewed me as being selfish because I do not want children right now. I would ideally want to have them at 40 because it would be a time when my career would be set, me and my husband would have time to be married and travel-- basically we would be set. I mean, how wrong is that? I feel that women have the bigger burden when it comes to children. The woman has to put her career goals aside, be there constantly for the kids, her life is now her kids life, everything she may have wanted to do is put on hold. And lets be honest, this is not RIGHT,but its TRUE. Its not the way it SHOULD be, but it is HOW it is. Yes, some husbands are there, but lets be real, even more arent. Especially when you are dealing with teen pregnancies. How is it fair that the woman be chastised for wanting to try and enjoy their life? The father is!

I feel that there is an equal responsibility, if the woman knows that she has things she wants to do, then get on some form of birth control and try to prevent it. However, there are plenty of women who marry these men and think that the relationship is truly going to last. The husband/father leaves and she is left with the kids, the kids expenses, her expenses, bills, debt, mortage or rent--and the list goes on and on. You would be insane to tell me that a woman should WANT to live in these circumstances while the father is out living his life unattached. I feel that this is something that is going on and people are just accepting it. Women should take more precautions when it comes to having sex if they dont want the responsibility because, looking at this, you can see the responsibility falls on you. People are going around thinking sex is the prize and the children are just a product of it.NO! That is what sex is FOR, procreation! It was intended to produce children, but the world has so warped the notion that people are SHOCKED when they have unprotected sex and get pregnant.

I am not shunning new age science in letting us pretty much control when we are ready, but at the same time, nothing is 100% effective. I am not talking abstinence, that is not my job. What i am trying to get through peoples head is that when a child is here, they are HERE. It takes two. Everyone wants to shoutout that statement, but where is the statement when they are judging women like the ones above who REALLY feel that there should be TWO! Not just THEM taking care of something TWO of them created. We must get into the new mindset that we are not in the 20s anymore, women want careers, a life, and to not be the SOLE providers for their children. Why cant the woman send the kids to stay with the father half the year? Why cant she decide that it may be his turn to partake in HIS responsibility? The world does not see it that way, they want to preach equality but when are they going to realize that with their mindsets equality will never happen. It will never prosper if they keep giving men preferential treatment.

At first I knew i was just going to HAVE to watch this show when it came out. Not because I particularly care for either of the ladies but because it just looked like a hot mess waiting to happen (im such a fool for "reality" tv shows). I watched the first episode, and about half way through it I had resolved in my mind to never watch it again (even though I have- what can I say, Im weak). But I kept watching and towards the end of the show (around the 16:53 mark inthe video below) the ladies were gathered with friends for a "sleepover". Watch what is said.

If you are like me and didnt watch, or just went right to the mark, I will summarize. What Toya, who is the ex-wife of one of the (if not THE) biggest rap artist out right now. They were together way before the money and fame (but I believe they got married when he was in the beginning stages of his fame). Well, in that clip at the end, she goes on about how/why she is still single, how she cant find a man and all that good stuff but one of her friends reply "its hard to top who (or where) you've been". This meant that there was little possiblity to meet someone who could have her living as well as Lil Wayne does. And this led me to start thinking...

I understand that the statement was indeed true. Its hard to find a man that is going to have her living the lifestyle she's been accustomed to. However, what I dont find particularly correct is the fact that she feels that someone HAS to give her the lifestlye she is accustomed too. Assuming that this is the reason (and using this situation to touch on similar situations throughout the world) she is still single, then why dont you go do something to make it on your own. She's even said in pre-show interviews "I didnt think I could have all these things without this man" (paraphrasing of course). She admitted that the things that she, and most women, want out of life could not possibly be attained without him providing it for her. My thoughts are:

1) Why does HE have to provide for you? Why cant you go and make something out of your own life in order to try and maintain that lifestyle that you only FEEL you cant live without. Guess what hun? You grew up with little means as you stated, is it THAT far behind you that you cant even remember how to survive with little? What kills me about women is that we try to make it seem as if soon as we get someone with money, who has "rescued us from our situation", we cant go back to that previous life if that person leaves. You were making it and surviving before, now you may have some money laying around, if you saved it (which would've been smart) in order to go get a head start to provide for yourself.

2) That man came from the same area and background you did, so if he made it, why cant you? Toya is a pretty woman, you have some clout being Lil Wayne's ex, instead of trying to make quick money selling him out (its rumored she is writing a tell-all book), why dont you go and try and do something with the new-found "celebrity" you have ( yeah, cuz now-a-days, everyone is a celebrity).

3) Why cant you lower your standards to someone who is going to love you and provide the best he can? I am not going to sit here and pretend like I believe there havent been men that have tried to date her, and more than likely, got turned down because they were lower than what she had been accustomed to. Meaning, they were not able to provide for her the way lil wayne has. We often turn our nose up at men who arent living up to our standards financially. We feel that it is the man's role to provide, and if he is not providing like the last, then there is a problem.

4) With that comes the opposite, if we are looking for a man to provide for us financially like the last one did, and he is perfectly able to, what makes you think that he wants YOU? I mean, she is pretty but what else is being brought to the table? You cannot sit there and expect a man to live up to your expectations financially if you are not living up to his in any other area besides looks. If he wants a trophy wife, then some of you women are in luck. But I would think a man would want something more to be tied down to than a pretty face. And a child by another man.


We have to look at ourselves people. We have to see what we can offer someone else, not always what that person can offer us. It has to be more than that. I dont think that people should only look for, in a spouse, what they cannot do for themselves. If you cannot provide for yourself financially, why do you just seek to be with someone who will? By this I mean, its perfectly natural to want security when picking a mate, but at the same time, you need to be able to match what they bring. It may not be nickel-for-nickel, but match in a sense of being able to stand on your own two feet if they decide they dont want to be with you anymore. It has to be an equal distribution, not just take take take take take. I wouldnt want to be with someone who I did not feel was on my level, but at the same time, if I know I desire a lifestyle, I will try to better myself in order to achieve it. So when I find a mate that is able to live that way too, it will be equal and I wont feel inadequate with or without him.